Started On: January 12, 2009
Last Post On: June 16, 2009
Total Pages: 8
Total Posts: 107
Total Views: 786
Once finals were over and the winter break had come and gone, everyone had finally had time to relax and de-stress, and everyone made up again. However, this left us with the hanging plot thread of ‘Reese The Traitor’ that had come up multiple times in multiple threads, but with the Christmas Story canceled it wasn’t actually resolved. The intent of this topic was to wrap up those loose ends and move past the animosity in IGNOLand, as we already had in real life.
SG2: It has come to my attention that our interim Kaiser, Russell, has betrayed IGNOLand. It was unexpected to say the least. He had always proven himself a loyal servant to Her Excellence, the Blood Kaiser of IGNOLand. Not to mention his intense grudge against the Garden Gnomes, who murdered his entire family one fateful night of last year. But there was one bit of foreshadowing we all overlooked... Before the final verdict was reached on the Gnome Murder Case, Russell stated that they ’decided to settle out of court’. ...Apparently...for the past year, Russell has been selling secrets to the Gnome society, giving them vital information on how to overthrow IGNOLand. And our very own Mr. Bones has caught him red-handed in the act of betraying us, so soon after he has been instated as Interim Kaiser in Her Excellence’s place. Plans were found. Detailed maps and strategies for a GNOME INVASION. Not even AngelGoten, who has always been a double-agent for the Gnomes, would sink so low... Russell has betrayed all of us in IGNOLand. More importantly, he has betrayed his Kaiser, assuming a temporary position of power only to hand it all over to the Gnome terrorists. The only thing that stopped him from declaring war was discovering that the true Kaiser has returned... But Karma has not had her official coronation yet. Technically, she has not officially reassumed the seat of power. IGNOLand law states that should she disappear for more than six months, power will be handed to her minion, Russell, until she can take the position of power back. But as of now, she’s like the Queen of England, only posing as a figurehead of IGNO worship...Russell still holds the law in his hands, and as soon as he figures this out, he’ll sell that power to the highest bidders - The Garden Gnomes, most ancient of all enemies to IGNOLand!! Brothers and Sisters of IGNO!! We cannot allow this injustice to continue!! The Fenix must be destroyed so thoroughly he cannot rise again, and that the only flames that arise are the fires of Hell!! We must overthrow this deceitful ruler and restore the throne to Her Excellence the Kaiser!! NOW IS THE TIME!! WE MUST DO THE IMPOSSIBLE!! SEE THE INVISIBLE!! ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH!!
Mr. Bones: shortly after i had appointed russell to the position of interim blood kaiser the issue of blackfenix v garden gnomes was brought to my attention from an anonymous tipster known only as "deep pooper". the identity and gender of deep pooper is unknown but it has been brought to my attention that russell had been selling IGNO secrets to the garden gnomes and that not even our own AngelGoten wasn’t privy to this information. he had been selling the locations and secrets of our lands and our MEMES OUR BELOVED MEMES. i received the documents in detail and have to announce a COUP D’ETAT similar to the communist november revolution in russia. we need to take down this terrorist regime and remove the spy from power immediately. we must be like anonymous and be legion.
Karma: I am intrigued by this evidence, but I would very much like to hear the accused’s side of the story as well.
SG2: Well, he would need to make himself present for that to happen. I think it speaks much for his case that he would suddenly disappear just around the time this evidence has been discovered...
Mr. Bones: that is exhibit b his sudden disappearance after being named interim blood kaiser
SG2: Well. Does the accused have anything to say against this? Or does his silence and mysterious disappearance since the time of the alleged betrayal speak for itself? Well, Russell? We’re waiting.
Karma: ....Uuuuuh-huh.
Mr. Bones: we keep telling him to come back for reasons of relevant storylines but he doesn’t
SG2: Yeah, what he said. Hey, you’re his master. Why don’t you try and convince him to return and see how it works? He is YOUR minion. 
Karma: I would if I ever saw him anywhere. OH BUT I DON’T. 
Angel: I am not a double agent for the gnomes!! Well, I used to be, but I am no longer acquainted with the gnomes. Russell must be punished for fraternising with the enemy >(
SG2: I am inclined not to believe you. You brought them into our lives to begin with, Angel. I doubt you would so easily betray your allegiance... 
Angel: NO! NEVER! They followed ME. I never brought them into our lives willingly. 
SG2: But you HAVE encouraged them to wage war on us many times in the past.
Mr. Bones: RUSSELL’S ABSENCE IS CLEARLY A SIGN OF GUILT GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT also angel is small change and is not really of mass importance to this case can i pardon her as my 1000th post?
SG2: Eh, go ahead...but I still don’t trust her. Just look at the recent photo she took with her gnome cohorts (BEWARE THE GARDEN GNOMES thread)
Katie:
Mr. Bones: YES AND EVEN THE RARE FORGOTTEN VERSE
SG2: A CHALLENGER APPEARS
Katie: HAHA!! I just read that- I EL OH EL’d several times 
Mr. Bones: lol i 
you guise
SG2: I always thought Bel-Air was much funnier than Rickrolling, and it would piss you off when it happened to you about as much as losing the Game does. Also you all just lost.
Reese: Hah hah, oh you guise. Y’know I miss the good old days when I wasn’t about to be drawn and quartered for high treason. By the way I rescind my stewardship of the Blood Country et al to Karma upon her return...retroactively.
Jeder gottesdienst Blut Kaiser!
Ich bin ein Blut Bürger!
Töten den Gartenzwergen!
Wenn das leben zitronen gibt, blut für Blut Kaiser!
Wir alle leben in einem gelben U-boot!
Deutsche sprechen ist verboden!
yeah...you can ignore those last 2...I got a little carried away
Anyways, I’ve been absent because I’ve been busy not guilty. I’m fighting the LPD, dealing with two incompotent professors, tutoring my gf in history, aiding with the planning a revolution, and aiding in the formation of a third major political party in America to take the 2012 election! (I wanted to call it the Tea Party...they said no). A bit of an ass, I may have been. (when did I turn into Yoda?) But an apology and explanation to the parties who deserve one is forthcoming pending me getting some free time and Verizon giving me back my internet service and fixing the gorram phone lines.
Crisis: i was not aware that we all live in a yellow submarine. Also, i looked up the english translations online, and returned these wonderfull phrases
Each service blood emperor!
I am blood citizen!
Kill the garden dwarves!
If live lemons gives, blood for blood emperor!
We all live in a yellow submarine!
Germans speak are ground!
SG2: This...is the best thing ever... I officially declare this the IGNO National Anthem. Even though IGNOLand is supposedly its own world and should not have a German anthem But yeah, good to see you back again. No matter what has happened I’m always glad when people come back and start posting on IGNO.
Reese: Wow, and for what I actually put into the google translator:
All Worship the Blood Emperor!
I am a blood citizen!
Kill all the garden gnomes!
When life gives you lemons, blood for the Blood Emperor!
We all live in a yellow submarine!
Speaking German is forbidden!
SG2: I prefer the Engrish (is it called that when it’s German?) version. Edit-I made a version from Karma’s point of view.
Original:
All Worship the Blood Emperor!
I am the Blood Emperor!
Swift Death to Infidels!
If at first you don’t succeed, blood for the Blood Emperor!
German:
Alle Gottesdienste der Blut-Kaiser!
Ich bin der Kaiser Blut!
Schneller Tod Ungläubigen!
Wenn Sie auf den ersten nicht gelingt, die Blut für Blut-Kaiser!
And Back Again:
All the worship of the blood-Emperor!
I am blood-Emperor!
Rapid Killing infidels!
If the first is not success, blood for blood-Emperor!
Crisis: so, after we butcher the garden gnomes, we work on the garden dwarves, right?
SG2: What if the dwarves team up with the gnomes, like the leprachauns?
Mr. Bones: i have assurance that leprachauns are not of our concern. they are too busy guarding their gold and getting drunk
Angel: Butchering the gnomes won’t be so easy, they have the piski dust on their side.
Reese: It is called Engrish regardless of original language improperly translated to English.
Crisis:
With the right tools, anything is made easy. Just because you’ve been trying to chop down trees with squeaky hammers doesn’t mean there isn’t a better way to do it. after all, plasma cannons and chainsaw based weapons do wonders for thinning piski dust enhanced hordes by the dozen.
Angel: I’ll leave it to you, then ;). I’ll just go out and party with the other gnomes.. I mean........ not the gnomes 
haha..
Reese: Beginnen Sie den Pizza-Tanz!
SG2: ...Wow. You’re really enjoying this whole German thing, aren’t you... ... HE’S CONSPIRING WITH THE GNOMES AGAIN!!
Crisis: Teh gnomes, or teh dwarves?
SG2: Good point. Because apparently Google Translate turned ’gnomes’ into ’dwarves’...so maybe there are no gnomes in Germany, only dwarves? Germans ARE known for their beer halls, and dwarves are known for their love of drinking...
Crisis: and, evidently, their pizza dance >,>
Reese: Nein, the Gnomes are from Zürich. There is no German word for Gnomes so they use Zwerge, the word for Dwarves.
SG2: I’m sure that’s just what they’ve trained you to say, you pizza-dancing communist.
Lemmy: Communists? Dangit. Where’s Corey when you need ’im?
Mr. Bones: did someone say communist how dare you defile the names of lenin trotsky marx and engels by associating them with the garden gnomes
SG2: I just thought of something.
1-Karma is the leader of the Blood Country.
2-Our leader’s title is Kaiser.
3-Russell is her minion and tied directly to her soul.
4-Russell was accused of cooperating with the Gnomes.
5-Russell is suddenly speaking lots and lots of German.
6-The Swastika is a perversion of the Manji, a symbol originally representing enlightenment in Buddhism.
7-The concept of karma (I believe) is connected to Buddhism.
Ah, yes...the tangled web of secrets is all starting to become clear now... (Also I made a sig. Everyone in support of Der Kaiser should use it.)
Mr. Bones: actually the swastika is a perversion of the Asatru symbol for Thorr’s Hammer. it has commonly been replaced by the more recognized symbol Mjolnir. hitler used lots of norse symbolism in nazi symbols because the norse were viewed by him as powerful aryans. it’s funny how so many cultures with no contact with each other have all had the same or similar symbols. like the swastika/manji. it is in so many cultures around similar time periods without any contact between the peoples. but i will support the action by putting that in my sig
Crisis: Your siggie thing is flawed SG2. you forgot that we all live in a yellow submarine, and that German speak are ground.
SG2: I didn’t want to make the font really tiny and I liked the thin sig for a change. I feel like all the sigs I’ve made in the past have been as chunky as the site banners, so I liked the thin look, and obviously all of it wouldn’t fit. I got the most important stuff. Though I guess it’s important that everyone knows German speak are ground, too... *ponder*
Reese: Halo is a Nazi? Also Manji
Crisis: at least the battle armor is. I mean, come on, Cortana? SO a nazi
Karma: Wow...I finally get around to reading this thread, and suddenly there’s a whole PLEDGE to me. In GERMAN no less. Complete with u-boots and german grounds or whatever.... Neat. I have such loyal subjects. *pats Russ on the head* *Gives Crisis a raise*
SG2: But they must wear the badge of honor in their sigs to prove their allegiance to you, your Excellence!! SIG Heil!! *shot for terrible pun*
Karma: Yeaah...yeah, for that pun, you’re fired.
SG2: ...WHAT THE FUCK I MADE THE SIGS IN YOUR HONOR
Crisis:
in Engrish!!
SG2: ...Oh my God. You just combined two completely unrelated events from this thread into one epic piece of copypasta. I don’t know if you win the thread or if you divided it by zero.
Crisis: neither. I WON THE GAME!!!
Karma: FUCK I LOST IT
SG2: CURSE YOU OTHER ALEX
Mr. Bones: *no longer cares about the game* you guys should join me in this it is much more fun to laugh at people to lose the game than it is to make people lose the game by caring and hence driving yourself mad by losing the game
Karma: That’s a good point... I taught a friend The Game the other day and he was totally freaking out over it. It was well worth losing, just to remind him that he lost too. I’ve never seen somebody get so agitated over it before 
Crisis: but i WON the Game. I can’t at something i already won!
Mr. Bones: you accidentally the whole sentence the whole thing
Crisis: I won the game. It’s not my fault your tiny, non-winning brains are too small to even preceive the words that make that sentence grammaticly correct >,>
Reese: Who was phone?
Mr. Bones: just because xkcd says you won doesnt make it true
SG2: /agreed. You cannot win the Game. But that being said I’d love to just stop caring about it. Maranda’s made it not fun anymore.
Karma: That’s a lie, you were telling me just the other day how you two have turned the Game into an art form
SG2: Comparatively. It’s better than when she used to walk into the room and just say ’you lose the game’. Not that she’s stopped doing that, she does that too. Yeah some of the texts she sent me were really good, I admit, but by now it’s gotten old. The element of surprise is gone when I get a text that says it’s from her, and I know before I open it what it’s going to be...so in effect I lose before she even gets a chance to say it. And that’s no fun. If she only did it once a week then she’d probably be good because some of the texts she has sent me have been really misleading at first, but I can’t be mislead if I know where it’s going...the Game is only fun when it’s a surprise. She needs to tone it down or find a new thing entirely, because I know I’m not speaking for myself here, I’m sure everyone in our group can admit Maranda killed a lot of the fun.
Reese: I really don’t care about the game much anymore. It’s really lost it’s novelty....
SG2: Such is unfortunately the fate of the best memes.
Reese: RIP RickRolling
Mr. Bones: thanksgiving and fosters home for imaginary friends was the final nail in rick rolls coffin it is the only thing i know of that fosters home for imaginary friends has ruined for me
SG2: Foster’s had its role obviously, but I blame newfags more than anything.
Karma: wait what did Foster’s have to do with rickrolling? I used to love that show but I haven’t seen it in like two years >>;
SG2: At the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, when the Foster’s float came out, Rick Astley came and sang Never Gonna Give You Up effectively Rickrolling all of America. Then Cheese said ’I like Rickrolling’. Bam. Rickroll officially dead.
Mr. Bones: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ that it ruined rickrolling forever and gave rick astley some money though. rick astley has admitted he finds rickrolling funny though, i lol’d at that
Angel: *Has re-joined the lost club*
Mr. Bones: this [link to youtube video that has since been removed but was probably the aforementioned thanksgiving fiasco]
Angel: Oh okay. I laughed when John McCain was rickrolled with that Obama thing.
SG2: I think in recent interviews he said he’s gotten sick of it though, because obviously that’s the thing people know him for and that’s what he gets asked about all the time...and I wouldn’t blame him as a singer to want to be known for his talents and new material, not an internet meme.
Reese:
Yeah, I don’t think that actually happened...
SG2: It didn’t happen IRL, the guy just mixed it together so it seemed that way. It looks pretty convincing though.
Karma: lol I love how that link alone has almost 2 million views...XD
Crisis: we never made jackets cause we never had a logo to put on them. SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH ARTISTIC TALENTS, GET TO WORK!!!
SG2: Like I said when the whole Lost Club thing started way back in the day... I VOTE WE MAKE KARMA DO IT
Karma: WHAT WHY
SG2: Because you’re better at that sort of thing than me, and I’m pretty sure the two of us are the only art-type people on this board. 
Mr. Bones: hey i can draw. just not what you guise would like. i draw old american cars perfectly. also i miss the lost club. i still have my jacket. thanks mae
SG2: Well then you draw us a club emblem. Also haha I remember just reading about when Mae gave you the jacket when I was compiling old post transcripts.
Angel: Yeah I have been reading them Haha.. some of the things we talked about were just.... interesting 
SG2: Like the things we talk about now (ex. horny goat weed) are any less ’interesting’? Well I’ve got my nauseatingly boring class again tomorrow morning so I’m sure to be adding a new transcript then.
Angel: Oh no, the things we used to talk about were interesting, the things we’re talking about now are just plain awesome I wonder what would happen if the garden gnomes stole the horny goat weed.
Mr. Bones: im glad i ordered mine when i did. no gnomes are gonna steal mah weed. even if it is of the horny goat variety
Angel: Haha, you better watch out they are after your weed.. and you know what the gnomes are like when they’re horny hahahaha
Mr. Bones: the last time someone tried to jack my weed they almost got stabbed. Kabar knives are scary. especially when black teflon coated blades are on the menu
SG2:
AngelWe do? 
... 
Crisis: Something tells me i don’t wanna know.
Angel: Well yeah, they have mass orgies with the leprechauns and the dolphin eggs, of course.
SG2: Interesting, interesting...so are the dolphin eggs also an aphrodisiac of sorts?
Reese: well, it only took us 7 pages to catastrophically derail this thread. GJ guys!
Crisis: the record is 3 posts i believe.
SG2: The record is 1 post after OP; the old ’Crazy Momentz’ thread. Remember? Lemmy posted a story about getting an erection from a blueberry muffin, and the very next post was Karma requiring her brain drilled...one thing lead to another, we got Zombie Karma rampages, and that thread pretty much set the record for trainwreck. Besides, I think this thread derailed several pages ago anyways when we started talking about engrish.
Angel: The dolphin eggs are an aphrodisiac.. That is why the garden gnomes always have a stash.
SG2: Of course, those gnomes ARE known as being notorious sex machines.
Ms. MadHatter: sorry i killed it. sheesh.
Reese: Aww, you didn’t kill it for me...It just sorta got old on it’s own once ppl started running out of creative ways to make meh lose. Even on /b/ it got lame... Also, I found this in my gmail inbox today: Truth is a Garden Gnome
Angel: Truth is a garden gnome? Lol wtff?
SG2:
Ron gulped. “Err… Yeah… Truth… Heh, the truth is a funny thing… It’s like one of those little garden gnomes that live in your garden? You know what I mean?”
Shego shook her head, eyeing him carefully, before pulling the sheets closer to her. With this strange young teenager, one could never be too careful.
“You know what garden gnomes are like, right? You think they’re small and cute, and they’re always there sitting in your garden. And they’re good things, because in the middle of the night when no one is looking, they become alive and take care of your gardens, and so it’s all peachy, right? But that’s so wrong, that it’s not even funny, because these garden gnomes look at you funny. You know you’re supposed to like them, but then you really can’t because deep inside you know there’s a conspiracy, and everyone, even your best friend calls you crazy…”
Shego gritted her teeth. She was about to use a few choice words herself and crazy is only just the tip of the iceberg. “Stoppable…” she growled lowly.
“But you can’t help yourself, and then one day, you’re just strolling by in the garden, and they’ve laid a trap for you, and next thing you know, you’re lying on your back, and they surround you, with their grim beady eyes and long white beards and small but sharp pitchforks, poking you in the side, and they just won’t stop, they just won’t stop!” Ron’s voice rose into a high-pitched crescendo. “And you try to fight them off, but there’re just too many of them, and you know it’s a matter of time before you are overwhelmed by the truth that is the garden gnome and then the final thing you see is that odd little red cap and a pair of tiny red boots as they stomp you and stomp you… And they just won’t stop! And the truth just won’t stop like that, I tell you! It just doesn’t stop!”
“Snap out of it, Stoppable!” Shego growled, as she gripped his shoulder and sunk her sharp claws into him. She shook him hard, “Truth, spill, now!”
“Ah… Truth…” Ron gulped twice as he glanced around a little disorientated. “Did I tell you about the garden gnomes…”
“Enough with the garden gnomes!”
Wow. But you know, whoever wrote this story may not be as blazed out of their mind as it seems at first glance...I guess we’re not the only ones who know the secrets of the gnomes.