WANTED

SG2:

WANTED:

DARRIN "LEMMY" PIERCE

[PICTURE GOES HERE]

REWARD: HER EXCELLENCE THE BLOOD KAISER SHALL SPARE YOUR LIFE

This criminal is wanted for acts of treason against the Blood Country and its all-powerful government. He is currently on the loose escaping the Blood Country after having just had his life restored from death - thus, he is at full strength and should be considered extremely...dangerous. Yeah, sure. Those who wish to gain the good graces of Her Excellence the Blood Kaiser are asked to sign up now with their name, rank, and a reason why they their skills can aid in capturing this wanted man. ALSO YOU GET TO ROAM THE COUNTRYSIDE AND KILL STUFF AND IT'S LIKE ALL IGNO RPG AND COOL 'N' STUFF SO SIGN UP TODAY YOU KNOW YOU TOTALLY WANT TO PS - feel free to excercise your IGNO Fighting Game Powerz in any and all manners that could serve Her Excellence and her cause.

Signed,

--The Law Enforcement of the Regal Blood Country

Crisis: *sets scanners to find lemmy, and jets off after him, deploying the gun drones*

Lemmy: How pathetic. I'm not detectable by scan. The fact that I prefer a winter climate means that my body temperature is too low to be found by means of traditional heat-seeking radar. Get yourselves some Scouters and then maybe I'll worry.

Crisis: Who said i'm scaning for heat. I'm scanning for the one thing you can't escape: TYPOS! The radation given off by the terri-bible that infects your soul is palpable, and able to be detected at interstellar ranges!

SG2: Oh God, WOW. That was so good. We're hot on your trail now, Lemmy

Crisis: What do you mean by hot on his trail? He showed himself, and i tazered him and am currently dragging him back to Karma. hmmm... *sets gun drones to keep everything 15 ft from lemmy, least they be shot.*

Karma: You will refer to me as Her Excellence. And I do so appreciate your work as a fine bounty hunter, Other Alex. Would you perhaps like to take a mercenary job as the Blood Country's official bounty hunter? You'll take orders from both SG2 and myself, but we'll provide you with everything you could possibly ever need to care for both yourself and your mech.

Crisis: Money = You've got yourself a mecha merc.

Karma: Fantastic. My collection of able-bodied and very loyal workers has just gone up by one. *takes Lemmy and hands Other Alex his first paycheck*

SG2: Uh-oh. Lemmy got away again.

Okay, you heard her. *INSANELY LONG-REACH LONGSHOT LATCHES ONTO LEMMY WITH THE POWER OF A PAINFUL HOOK TO THE BACK*

Crisis: *wonders why you used the massivly long longshot to get someone thats within hookshot range of you* ...i already got him. He made the mistake of showing himself to brag about his difficulty to find

Lemmy: *VANISHES THROUGH THE MAGIC OF CARING AND DONATIONS TO THE JIMMY FUND*

Crisis: *tazers him again* caring and the jimmy fund only go so far here man: No where. So, while your effort is laudible, it's to little too late

SG2: He wasn't within hookshot range of me. I used the Super Hyper Longshot on him to pull him WITHIN hookshot range...so that I could hookshot him. Duh. *summons Madonna, rendering his ears useless, then blasts Shining Collection and tosses a smokebomb, dragging him back to Karma's lair castle*

Karma: It's Castle Lair actually, you had it backwards. That's okay though. Good work, my loyal commanders! *gives Other Alex another paycheck and SG2 her payment in chocolate* Now Lemmy, you can keep trying to run--in which case you'll be continually hunted down, injured, and then punished--or you can stay here, where you'll be richly fed, comfortably housed, and a loyal subject of your Kaiser. Well?

Crisis: Wow. Thats a bargin and a half.

Karma: Well he is of course my food source, but in order to make sure he stays good and tasty, he needs good food to sweeten his blood and good rest to make sure it doesn't go sour, y'know?

SG2: Blood Country really is a fantastic place to live if you're willing to die a little younger than most - you get to live more extravagantly than most during your lifetime, and all, so it's all good. Lemmy's a bit different in that he doesn't die from it, but, y'know, his blood is apparently highly un-delicious, so we gotta fix that. But Blood Country really is lovely, and you should totally check it out sometime. Want a brochure? *hands one to him*

Crisis: *takes it* I'll be taking my meals in my room...alone...in my mecha... Or is that a problem?

SG2: ... ...I do believe we have a sort of don't ask, don't tell policy in the Blood Country, so in the interests of Her Excellence, provided we find no evidence of you forming a rebellion against the government, you can go ahead and enjoy that brochure and the mecha in your room by yourself...and no one'll ask for what purposes you wanted to be alone with them.

Crisis: Nothing in Blood Country prolongs your life span better than a few inches of armor plate between your skin and the Supreme Kaiser's mouth.

Aibou: Or Vanilla Coke.

SG2: Actually you know how milk strengthens the bones of humans? Well apparently to vampires, for whom the primary diet is just blood, Vanilla Coke does the same in terms of strengthening the fangs, because...blood lacks the calcium that...vanilla coke...provides...for strong...fangs...and...this was totally researched and is 100% true, so, in other words, HER EXCELLENCE CAN CHEW THROUGH SOLID STEEL TO GET TO THE MEATBAG INSIDE BECAUSE SHE'S DER KAISER AND SHE JUST *CAN*!!

Karma: I'm apparently also related to Ban's family now. And yes, while Blood is our primary diet, other foods and liquids can be added to that diet to make us stronger. So should I want to, I could absolutely chew through that mecha metal to get at your nice blood. Except I won't, because you're a hired mercenary and a foreigner, and I have very good diplomatic relations. So as long as you don't become an outlaw, or the only person left on the entire planet, you're safe. (I would therefore suggest not destroying most of the world, since you'd be one of my few foodsources left).

SG2: Hah, I'd been waiting to slip that one in ever since you declared yourself Kaiser. I wanted to see how well your willpower withstood the temptation against spoilers...apparently, not very well.

Karma: Actually to be honest all I know is the name: Der Kaiser. And the relationship to Ban. I stopped myself before I read anymore, because that's too much spoiler. Also the name Der Kaiser frequently pops up mentioned in fanfiction, and if you'll recall, I've read through the entirety of the FF.net GB collection.

Crisis: Which is weird that Der Kasier being used to name a charcter in a manga, since it's loose german translation is "The Emperor," and is a title, not a name. The last time i saw the Japanese use a german sounding name, the loose translation was "Black [insert derogatory form of "penis" here]"

SG2: Well I knew what it MEANT and I assume it's meant to be taken as a title and NOT a name. GB characters often have titles and I'm willing to bet Ban's dad is no different in that respect.

Karma: Like THE LIGHTNING LORD. Whahaha.

Lemmy: We do apparently read GetBackers in Blood Country. I have almost entirely forgotten where I am in the manga by now . . . and therefore, I suck.

SG2: ONLY BECAUSE EVERYONE MUST READ GETBACKERS ALL THE TIME EVERYWHERE AND HER EXCELLENCE HAS GOOD TASTE TO MAKE THIS A WIDELY-ENFORCED LAW "Hey Lemmy. Read GetBackers." "Fuck off, I gots ma Dragonball!!" *TASER* *twitch twitch* "G-gimme...t-the GB..." I love this country.

Karma: Hey, I never authorized the use of tasers in this country...or signed a bill to make Getbackers required reading.

SG2: ... Excuse me a moment, sir. *walks over to Karma* *whisper* What the Hell are you doing? You said I could enforce the law in any manner I saw fit so long as I didn't ruin the blood and...why is there no GB law?! There SHOULD be!!!

Karma: Well run the weaponry past me first, I like to know what's being used in my country. And my advisors never suggested that I make a GB law, so I haven't yet.

SG2: Fine fine, but you did basically say I could use whatever force necessary...just go look in my weapons closet, it's all there, and I signed a treaty to not use the limb-choppity ones to preserve the blood for Her Excellence. Also, as your second-in-command, I advise you make GetBackers required reading, and make your subjects (AKA Lemmy) do pop-quizzes on 'em every so often to keep them sharp - success means greater benefits, failure means I get to beat on 'em more.

Karma: I'll consider your suggestion at my next advisor meeting.

SG2: Who are the other advisors? Maybe we should hold a meeting soon. I'm still concerned over those secret plans I found in Lemmy's room.

Karma: The other advisers are on a board collectively known as The Voices.

Aibou: XD... ...I want to be the general. <,<;

SG2: I see no problems with this provided you realize I will be your superior and STOP PICKIN' ON ME

Karma: If she was the general she'd be equal with you of course.

SG2: I thought I had a higher rank than general. Like, your right hand man of sorts.

Karma: No, you're law enforcement. If she were general that'd make her the leader of military/foreign affairs. And Other Alex is my mercenary/bounty hunter. You're all equal.

SG2: B-but I'm special

Aibou: I WANNA BE THE GENERALLLL *WAVEWAVE* We... can ALL conspire... against Lemmy. ^_____________^

SG2: Only if the cooperation spreads to every thread. THAT MEANS NO MORE STABBING ME, AIBOU

Lemmy: Aibou stabs everyone. Especially me. And when she's not stabbing me, she'll just go ahead and stab me instead. Finally, as a last resort, she may choose to stab ME. But ONLY after she's finished stabbing ME.

Aibou: oo Well... I could always be more creative...

Crisis: *barrows Aibou's knife* may i? *stabs Lemmy* There, some one OTHER than Aibou has stabbed you lemmy. *stabs SG2* And just cause Aibou can't stab you SG2, doesn't mean i can't!

SG2: *effortlessly rips Other Alex' puny human body out of the mech and tosses him straight through the tackily-painted glass walls in Hammond* Hm? You say something?

Crisis: Yea, Aibou's knife is still in your kidney. I have to give it back to her.

Aibou: XD oo... OOOOOOOOOOOOH... *hops into the Mech* CONTRAPTIONS!

Crisis: AIBOU! If you want to live and die a painful, messy death, DON'T TURN IT ON! Else it'll ram plugs into your skull, neck, and spine like you were in the matrix! *goes to get back in mech*

Aibou: ; ; Awwwww... I'll just watch, then. *eats popcorn*

Crisis: *gets Aibou out of mech, and jacks in* Ahh, thats much better.

SG2: ...Live... ...AND... ...Die... ...? WTF?

Crisis: Well, at least Aibou saw through the typos!

Aibou: *munchmunch* I should invest in a Tachikoma...

SG2:

Karma: If you're my General you can't conspire against Lemmy. He's my Honorary Food Source and I kinda need him to stay alive. Unless you want to volunteer your own life fluids, of course...

Aibou: ...Aww. I wanna be the General if I can conspire against everyone else!

Karma: Well check with me first on who you're conspiring against. Conspiring against my enemies is A-Ok. Conspiring against my loyal country neighbors and allies is baaaad. And conspiring against my foodsource makes me angry, in which case, I'll conspire against you!

Aibou: ; ; Aww... okies. ... *eyes Quebec* Can I conspire against them? *points*

Karma: Knock yourself out, they couldn't fight back in a million years anyway.

Aibou: ...*giggles madly* Hee hee. Ha ha... muwahahha... HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAA

SG2: THIS MEANS DO NOT CONSPIRE AGAINST HER EXCELLENCE'S SECOND-IN-COMMAND AKA ME!!!!! Maybe you should conspire against Florida and Texas. And the Astronauts and Moon President Elvis. ...My brother put some weird shit into my head this morning

Aibou: Texas Instruments... *conspires*

SG2: ...Y-yeah...that's the spirit!! ...I think...

Lemmy: O magic 8 Ball, will I prevail against my enemies? *shakes 8 Ball: it says "No"* Ngh. S'try that again . . . *shakes 8 Ball: it says "No"* GODDAMMIT, WHY NOT?! *shakes 8 Ball: it says "Aibou Conspires"*

SG2: PRAISE THE MAGIC CONCH!!!!!!!!!!!

Aibou: *giggles madly* I have a magic 8 ball...!

SG2: But it's not a magic conch, so it fails at life.

Karma: Nothing.

Aibou: oo What's a conch?

Karma: .... Are you serious? A Conch It's a shell

Aibou: <,< Oh. ...SHUT UP ; ;

SG2: DUDE, WE'RE FALLING RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY!!!

Aibou: o___________o Wtfz.

SG2: ...Clearly Aibou doesn't watch Spongebob. "Maybe he's not a brother."

Aibou: @_@ I hate Spongebob..

SG2: O_O;

Aibou: oo;... *backs away slowly*

SG2: Ò_Ó;

Aibou: *FLEE*

Karma: I could say something eye-related about that face, but I guess I won't.

Aibou: You know, i was thinking that.

Karma: O RLY?

Aibou: YA RLY

SG2: ...Okay first off I see nothing 'eye related' that could be said about a smilie considering it's not, as you so eloquently put it, a thing of OH FUCK THERE ARE EYES THERE, and...Karma talking like Aibou is a sign of the apocalypse. ...Oh wait no, we already had that and we won, nevermind.

Aibou: oo... What apocalypse?

Karma: *palm meets forehead*

SG2: In the words of Aibou, YA RLY.

Aibou: ; ; WHAT APOCALYPSE PLZ

SG2: Nnnnngh!! Dammit, Aibou!! *chucks Pokeball at head*

Karma: It's okay, Aibou has a very short-term memory, I've noticed through observation.

SG2: Shorter term than mine?

Lemmy: You make up for your short term memory with your ability to remember weird trivialities and insigificancies of 5+ years ago through obscure details that no one else could possibly apply to memory recovery.

SG2: I'm just awesome like that.

Aibou: ; ; MY SHORT TERM MEMORY IS...

Karma: Actually, unless you're faking it Aibou, it is kinda true. I must have explained the concepts of several different shows, movies, manga, and various other ideas multiple times, yet when I mention it again you say "What? What's that?"

Aibou: I DO NOT FAKE PLZ, EXCEPT UP THERE. ................. x,x I mean, of course I fake. I fake everything... I'm really a super genius disguised as an idiot. Exactly.

Karma: Absolutely. Exactly.

Aibou: *muttergrumbleconspire*

Lemmy: She conspires now, but she may forget to stab later. Unless it's me. She always seems to remember that one without fail.

Aibou: *stab* *conspire*

Karma: She remembered!

SG2: Where the fuck is my God Damned jacket?!