The IGNO Trashy Talkshow Thread

SG2: Hello, everyone. On today's show, we have LG, who has a serious problem. He's a compulsive PENISwhore. He just can't resist having PENIS sex with anyone who...well, anyone who has a PENIS, really. Recently, he and PWR e-hooked up and were going steady for about a day and a half before LG, overcome by his love of teh cawk, ran crawling back to the arms of his ex-lover, XL. Now PWR, heartbroken, has found love in the arms of another - Hamel, but is it true love or is she just trying to stick it to LG for cheating on her? And how will XL react to all this? LG left him for PWR, only to come crawling back starving for some man-meat. But has he truly forgiven him? All this and more on today's exciting episode of trashy daytime television, so keep your eyes glued to your screen as the fists and chairs start to fly, today, on THE IGNO TRASHY TALKSHOW THREAD!!

Hamel: *sits in a chair* <,< >.>;;;; What was I called here for again?

LG: Hi I am LG and I am infact a PENIS whore! And this is well known so PWR should have known that I would be trouble But about this whole going back to XL thing, we have been having e-sex for a long while and he now has forgiven me... So I have one thing to say to PWR.....FUCK YOU BITCH I GAVE YOU THE BEST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE AND NOW YOU'RE SOUR I'M GLAD WE'RE APART!

PWR: Hello  I am PWR and I have been mistreated by my ex e-boyfriend, LG. THIS MAN CHEATED ON ME, BEAT ME, AND THEN LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER MAN! I MEAN OMG HE CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND!  ONTOP OF THAT! THE SEX WAS HORRIBLE, I MEAN HE WAS SUCH A WHINY LITTLE BITCH! I FELT LIKE A LESBIAN! AND HE CAME SO FAST AND EASILY AND PLUS HIS DICK IS FUCKING SMALL! LIKE THE SIZE OF A SAFETY PIN! OMG.  He broke my fucking heart! HE IS NOTHING BUT A BODY OF LIES AND INCURRABLE STDS!  DDD:

LG: OH HELL THE FUCK NO YOU ENJOYED IT AND I COULD POST THE PM TO PROVE IT!

xL: Hi, I'm XL. I like Toast. Good bye.

SG2: Now now, everyone, calm down. So, XL, LG left you and then came back to you, correct? How do you feel about this, knowing he had a one-night stand with PWR?

xL: I felt pissed until I got a very nice apology. Now, things are better than before. So I thank PWR for giving LG a one night stand, otherwise, this wouldn't of happened.

Lemmy: Dammit, I'm horny. Someone do somethin' about it.

SG2: O_O security!! *security drags Lemmy off stage* Audience: "Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!"

PWR: (LMAO) Ohh hell nahh! OHH HELL NAAHH! -Grabs a chair and hits someone.- BITCHHH (It was eventually gonna happpen I would so do that if I was on a talk show.)

LG: lemmy I could help you, just give me your PENIS

SG2: I don't think his mermaid parts are really the kind of PENIS you're looking for. Now focus on why you're here, your love affair with PWR!! *throws boom at LG*

PWR: A WHAT?! A BOOM!? LULZ! SG2 FAILS! XDDD

SG2: A boom, you know, like the microphone you'd find on a filming set. *throws chair at PWR*

LG: Ok now can we please go back to the topic at hand?

PWR: Really? DDD: BITCH! -punches SG2 in da face.- LMAO, I'm fighting the host XDDD

SG2: *dropkicks PWR* YOU SLUT, GET BACK TO YOUR SEAT AND START CRYING SOME MORE ABOUT HOW YOUR MAN DUMPED YOU FOR CAWK SO WE CAN GET SOME BETTER RATINGS. I WANT TO SEE SOME AUDIENCE OUTRAGE OUT THERE!!!!

Mr. Bones: *tackles hamel* you son of a bitch idk what you did but you deserve this *starts beating him with pwr's shoes for some reason*

PWR: LMAO!!  An audience member?! XDDD -Cries.- FURRY ASS TIGER BITCH DDD:

Bradios: *Enters on stage into the brawl* Hey BITCH! HE NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY! *Bitchslaps PWR*

Hamel: Wait what?!? All I did was talk to her on the phone ~~;;;  *shoe sets fire*  BESIDES!!  It I was mearly there.

SG2: OH NO YOU DI-IN'T!! *BITCHSLAPS BRADIOS*

xL: This is more of a Jerry Springer episode than a talk show.

Sage: that is true

SG2: Consider the thread title and my OP post. It's supposed to be that way. It's like a hybrid between Jerry Springer and Maury Pauvich, IGNO-style. *hits XL upside the head with the chair* YOU SKANKY TERRORIST, YOU KNOW DAT BITCH DON'T WANT YOU!!

xL: ARE YOU CALLING MY MAN A BITCH? If so...I'm sending in Osama...and he won't be happy.

LG: Ummmm I dont get it one second were talking and now theres a brawl....Can I leave? I have things to do....

Hamel: *Thows a baby diper lit on fire at LG*

xL: That made me lol really hard for some reason.

Hamel: YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE STINK OF GREEN BABY SHIT!!!

LG: Wait is the baby green or this shit green?

Hamel: The shit is green...

SG2: ...What the fuck did I miss?!

Hamel: A lot XP like me setting a diper full of green baby shit on fire and throwing it at LG

Bradios: @LG: What ELSE do you have to do today....OTHER THAN CHEATING ON XL!!! @Hamel: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

SG2: Bradios is right, LG, this is a trashy talk show, there's gonna be more going on than just talking. The brawl is just part of the action. *bitchslaps Bradios* DON'T YOU COME TO THE DEFENSE OF THAT SLUT XL!! HE TOOK LG BACK EVEN KNOWING THAT HE'S A PENIS WHORE!! THAT BITCH NEEDS A REALITY CHECK, RIGHT LADIES?! Ladies in the audience-"YA DAMN RIGHT, GUUURRRLL!!"

Bradios: *Bitchslaps SG2* I NEVER CAME TO DEFEND XL, IN FACT HE CAN GO BURN FOR ALL I CARE. F**KING SLUT

xL: My PENIS get lots of love!

Hamel: No love for Hamel's... Oh well, not that I want it anyway. >.>;;;  *hides cupcake under chair*

LG:

xL: Now LG is sucking Hamel's not very big PENIS!!!!

LG: OK I'm a whore you cant trust them!!!!! But I did have sex with XL and it was awesome....

Hamel:

xL: I have a satellite watching you in the shower.

Hamel: I'm a fire demon, I dont' take showers *Throws chair at xL* >.<

Mr. Bones: *finds a cupcake under a chair and eats it* THATS WHY I TACKLED YOU. YOU KEEP HIDING THE FUCKING CUPCAKES *throws a chair at bradios* watch more day time shock talk shows

Hamel: <.<;;  >.>;;;  *hides cupcake on SG2's head*  WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE PENIS SEX WITH ME LG?!?!?!

Mr. Bones: *tackles SG2 and eats the cupcake* MY CUPCAKE

LG:

xL:

Bradios: I BEEN UNCONCIOUS THANKS TO YOOOOOOOUU MR. BONES *BITCHSLAPS MR. BONES, KICKS HIM IN THE NUTS AND STEALS THE CUPCAKE* MY CUPCAKE!

PWR: -Takes out an AK47.- BITCHZZZ -shoots at EVERYONE.- :gunnin:  **Side note: FUCK YES I'M A SAILOR SCOUT!

Bradios: *Dodges Bullets and steals AK-47* NO GUN FOR YOU

PWR: -Scissor slaps Bradios.- YOU STUPID CHILD!

Bradios: *cries in a corner plotting revenge* REVENGE

Hamel: *hides cupcake under carpet*

Bradios: *shiftily steals cupcake without anyone knowing*

LG: SECURITY GET THESE TWO MEN OFF THE SET!!!!!!!! Now PWR do you have anything to say to me?

Hamel: <.<;;; >.>;; *hides cupcake in the flower pot* THERE IS GONNA BE A HOE DOWN!!!!

Bradios: lol *Steals then eats cupcake* mmmmmm....... *Sits in to watch the HOE down*

Hamel: *does full Nelson on LG and then a back breaker*

LG: Ok then.......... *Slowly backs out of the TV studio...*

Mr. Bones:

xL: Since when was this topic about cup cakes?

Mr. Bones: since its off topic and every post takes the topic further and further off the original topic

LG: *Is as far away from studio as I could be*

Hamel: *hides cupcake under Bones' crown* Since I started hiding them everywhere throughout the board. 

Mr. Bones: *takes off crown, grabs cupcake, and eats it in one bite* thanks hamel

Hamel: Not a problem Mr. Leaderman.

SG2: *transforms into Scorpion and pulls LG back forcefully* GET OVER HERE!! *bitchslaps him silly until he falls back into his chair dazed* We're back from commercial now, bitches, so there's more to talk about. During our commercial break, we discovered that not only did LG cheat on XL to sleep with PWR for one night before going crawling back for teh cawk, but earlier, when XL's genitals were put out of commission via gunshot wound, LG immediately left his so-called love and tried to get into Hamel's pants. XL, how does this make you feel, knowing that LG only ever loved you for your PENIS?

xL: How do I feel about? I don't know anymore. I'm starting to have suspicions that LG is a slut beyond belief..... (lol)

LG: HEY IT'S NOT THAT I ONLY LOVED HIM FOR HIS PENIS, I KNEW IT WOULD HEAL.....But until that time I needed some special time.....And Hamel was there with handcuffs........WHATS A WHORE SUPPOSED TO DO

xL: Technically, I still had one....it was just shot and bloody. BUT IT'S BACK NOW SO IF I SEE YOU CHEAT AGAIN.....bye bye to you!

SG2: As I recall, LG, it is you who put the handcuffs on Hamel in the first place. You have no excuses...you just hunger for cawk 24/7 and you knew your so-called 'lover', despite there being no true feelings there, was not going to be able to satisfy you for some time. You are a filthy, filthy slut, LG...and you need help. XL, PWR, Hamel...how does all this make you feel?  XL, he cheated on you, twice. PWR, he lead you to believe he could live a life without cawk, and broke your heart, and has now tried to use your new boyfriend's PENIS out of his sick, twisted lust. And Hamel, you are his latest victim. A tragedy...a broken home...is this slut truly fit to raise his young child? More on this after these messages. *commercial break*

Hamel: *back from commercials* I think he needs some serious help for his problem... I hope his kid doesn't inherit this mental PENIS disease.

SG2: ...mental...PENIS...disease...?!  THE PENIS IS IN HIS MIND?!

Hamel: THat is what I believe so... *nods*

Mr. Bones: PENIS in his mind? talk about a mindfuck

SG2: YOU WIN. [/thread]

Angel: I think I have an addiction to fapping. My PENIS is just too sexy

Sage: yes buts its a good addicition

xL: Ya know...now that we know Hamel is a girl........that changes everything. LG never technically went after Hamel's PENIS. She doesn't have one.

SG2: Well, ladies and gentlemen of the audience, it has indeed come to our attention that Hamel was lying to us all along and pretending to be a man... *turns mic to Hamel* now why did you feel the need to lie to us and pretend you had a PENIS? Was it out of some sick twisted perversion to seduce LG away from PWR and have her to yourself? And if it wasn't YOUR PENIS...then whose PENIS was LG all up ons earlier?!?!?! Our audience wants to know the answers behind this PENIS scandal!!!!!

xL: Maybe LG can explain why he cheated on me with TWO women now

LG: Nope I got nothin........I'm just a no good whore

xL:

LG: Don't be like that remember all the good nights we had...........Any who we all know I'm a whore so everyone knows that I have done everyone in the weird shaped triangle.....

Mr. Bones: what sucks is although i now have the title of Der Fuhrer i am the only male on my staff. I WILL START AN EVALUATION OF ALL MALE IGNO MEMBERS. i feel betrayed and i was fooled but i am a good leader and i will forgive you after this *beats hamel with bradios' leg*

Hamel: I'M SORRY FUHRER!!!! I DID NOT MEAN TO FOOL OR BETRAY YOU!!!!!! well make you feel that I betrayed you.

Bradios: Wait what?! my leg was never detached Eh, whatever as long as it makes you happy Bones And what do you mean by "Male Evaluation"?

Mr. Bones: i mean that i will be monitoring behavior and character of the males on the board.

Bradios: oh OK then that shouldn't be a problem

SG2: You're already out of the running because you're with the gnomes. XL is out for being a dirty terrorist. LG, despite being a whore, should be a good candidate if he quits being with the gnomes (he will be rewarded with many captured willing male prostitutes from the SG2 Steppes)...Russell may be a candidate if he chooses to give up his minionship to Karma in her absence... Uh, I dunno, who else is applicable? Also this is the wrong thread for that anyways, this should be discussed on the new world leader's declaration thread. SOMEONE FUCKING THROW A CHAIR ALREADY

Hamel: *throws chair at Bradios* that's for being in league with the gnomes... Wait!!!  .......................... y....your taking my title away???? and... and after I made all these hundreds of cupcakes for you and SG2 for the party....

Mr. Bones: no you keep your title i just need men in my cabinet as well. so it is balanced later tonight i will add to my announcement now *thows a micophone at lg's head*

Hamel: Awesome  so then we'll have four people at the party then....

Angel: *jumps on a couch*

SG2: Ah, AngelGoten. As an expert in all things related to the pen0r, how does LG's level of extreme sluttiness make you, a professional and classy pen1s sex courtesan, feel? After all, LG will have pen1s sex for free in the back alley behind a sleezy club...do you think this gives pen1s whores a bad name?

PWR: I have been f00led by both genders! DDD: WHAT THE FUCK! UGH! -shoots herself.-  ~~;;;; sidenote: I think Bradios wants a physical, John.

Mr. Bones: you can give him a physical if you want but i however won't be. if i were to "inspect the troops" i wouldn't be giving physicals (at least not to the males, i could assign LG to that job) *grabs SG2 by the ankles and starts severely beating PWR with her while laughing maniacally*

SG2: *is enjoying this, because in a way she is still beating PWR*

LG:

Sage: so whos the babys father?

LG: Actually if you will recall acouple of nights ago in the chatbox (Sunday I think) SG2 informed me that Billy was the father, but he never told anyone because he didn't want anyone to know that he had hooked up with a ugly whore like me.....

Mr. Bones: I DON'T BELIEVE IT BILLY MAYS WOULDN'T LIE TO ME YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH! *BEATS LG WITH A BASEBALL BAT MADE OF HARDENED MIGHTY PUTTY*

Sage: (posions the drinks with oxyclean)

Lemmy: I keep meaning to post something, but for some reason the hypnotic repetition of some random chick lifting her shirt keeps distracting me . . . Damn the sig of the person in front of me.

Mr. Bones: the part that says alucard approves is wicked creepy

Hamel: BITCH DUN STOLE MEH BABIES DADDAH UN SOLD MEH BABEI TO DA MARKET!!!!!! *Throws chair at bitch*

Angel:

PWR: -Bites SG2's nose off.- YOU ARE THE WORST TALK SHOW HOST EVER, BITCH PLZZZ -Stabs someone.-

Sage: (watches from the catwalk) wow this is getting better

SG2: OWFUCK *takes her nose and sews it back on* Fine then, bitch, why don't you see if you can do a better job? *throws the microphone in her face, clocking her in the nose for revenge*

PWR: OWBITCH! -force feeds her the mic.-

Sage: now this is a show

PWR: -Hits someone with a chair.- LIVE THREAD, LIVE!

Hamel: *is hit with a chair* DAFUCK?!?!?! <.<# #>.> *glares at people* Who wants to get burned?

SG2: Everything died when you left, PWR, so it's your turn to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY!! *beats her with the chair*

Mr. Bones: *tackles SG2 knocking her into pwr who falls over onto hamel starting a domino effect knocking everyone over eventually*

PWR: -Breaks off a chair's leg and smacks SG2 with it.- BITCH ASS WHORE

Tim: *stands up from the audience and throws random fat man in the front row at PWR*
ha, take that BITCH!!!

SG2: I borrowed a FenixDown from Russell to revive this thread.

Bradios: *Straps xL into a chair with his awesome restraining technology* We're here to discuss xL's recent sex lust problem. And how he needs to fix it

xL: I think the real question here is why YOU have "awesome restraining technology." Where and how the fuck did you get it? Illegally?!

Bradios: I BUILT IT, BITCH! *slaps him across the face like a bitch* Now! Let's cure this sick, sick little puppy

SG2:

xL: He had his robotic sex slaves do it for him!

SG2: But who built the robotic sex slaves? Huh?! HUH, XL?! IT WAS *YOU*!!!

Hamel: XL, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, I think that would be your best bet for right now

Bradios: Indeed so. And if all else fails.  ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY TO THE RESCUE!

xL: I have no problems...except when I made a kid cry the other day. That was fun!

Bradios: I CALL CHILD ABDUCTION/SEXUAL ASSAULT!

xL: MY PENIS WAS IN MY PANTS WHERE IT BELONGS!

Bradios: LIKE HELL IT WAS!  *Slaps xL with the back of his hand* ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! ADMIT YOU'RE A CHILD ABDUCTOR! ADMIT YOU'RE IN CAHOOTS WITH LG AND HERBERT

xL: Family Guy is fail. And I don't abduct children! I abduct kids MY age! There's a difference! I swear!

SG2: I feel like I need to subtract an awesomeness point from Bradios for a Family Guy reference. Maybe your PENIS was in your pants...but maybe along with it was the hand of a child!!

xL: Actually, it was Traitor. So you're close enough.

Bradios: So, you're cheating on LG with Traitor now? Gee. This is all so reminiscent of last years thread. Except without all the random attacks on people with furniture and flaming bags of poop

LG: holy crap what happens when i go away?

xL: Well, either XL misses you so much he goes out to find others to satisfy his needs, or that when you're gone he feels the coast is clear to cheat.

Bradios: If either one is the case. It means that xL is becoming more and more like LG with every passing post

Reese: *slaps XL across the dick with his face* Tell the trush damnit! You killed that hooker and we both know it!

Bradios: Who here thinks that we should put xL through EXTREME PENIS TORTURE so that he finally learns his lesson?

Hamel: I don't know about extreme PENIS torture, but I think that some sort of torture is indeed in need of becoming. (wow that almost made no sense) Maybe if we cut his PENIS off, he wouldn't be so actively out there looking for some love. Or we could neuter him? That's supposed to help with dogs right? Not saying that he's a dog, just that if it works for a dog it could possibly work for a human too. 

SG2: Extreme PENIS Torture is the name of my new reality show. It's like a Survivor ripoff, where you have to survive in the wild with nothing but your wits, and also your PENIS is out. ... Hey, look over there!! *point* *while everyone is distracted looking that way, knocks down the talkshow set and replaces it with THE WILDERNESS* Oh wow, what has happened here. I am shocked and confused as to how we are suddenly in THE REAL LIVE WILDERNESS. But now, it's time to begin EXTREME PENIS TORTURE!!

Mr. Bones: *STORMS IN AND THROWS THE CHAIR WITH xL IN IT ACCROSS THE ROOM* I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY I KILLED A BABY TODAY AND IT DOESN'T MATTER MUCH TO ME AS LONG AS IT'S DEAD!

SG2: ...apparently I left a few chairs on the set *clears them away* Okay, NOW we're in the real-live wilderness.

Reese: JESUS CHRIST! THERE'S A TIGER ON THE STAGE! *gets in a jeep and speds away*

Mr. Bones: *pops russell's tires* hahahahahaha NO ONE ESCAPES!!!!!!!

Hamel: Yay for dead babies!!! May they never know the horrors of growing up!!

Bradios: HOLY SHIT! SG2 NOW HAS WORLD BENDING POWERS! NOTHING IS SACRED ANYMORE!!!!

Hamel: wait.... we're outside now?? I turn my back for a moment and everythings different

SG2: It's like no one even read my post

Reese: I don't think they did. I was confused, but then I missed 2 whole pages of conversation in the period of just a couple of hours...

xL:

SG2: Well everyone, it's time to choose our contestants for the Extreme PENIS Challenge. *plops Bradios down on the set* Hey, you're a former Aussie. Surely you must be up for adventures that include living off the land and skinning wild animals in a bid for your very survival. We need you to do that, but with your dick out.

xL: I say I should be a contestant for once!

Bradios: Indeed I am.  Not to mention I'm also a killing machine built for war so this is somewhat my turf. *Switches his mechanical arm to a huge sharp blade* So, when do we get to skin 'em?

xL: *prays he doesn't have to be a contestant and attempts to flee*

sg2: Oooooh no you don't, XL, you wanted to be a contestant, so in you go!! *takes his pants, gives him a knife and a bible and sends him into the wilderness*

Bradios: Oooh ho ho. A challenger appears! *begins running through the forest wildly, looking for something to kill*

xL: *takes a shit and prepares to throw it at Bradios*

Bradios: Dumbass. You don't know where I am- Ooooo, a gorilla. *fires tranquilizer darts at said gorilla*

xL: *uses the power of butter to make the tranquilizer darts ineffective*

SG2: Apparently XL was the gorilla. So I guess he did know where you were.

xL: Well, I assumed that I am the "gorilla" Bradios was referring to, so I prepared myself with the power of BUTTER.

SG2: I suppose that makes sense. Personally I would have used the power of Pinesol.

Mr. Bones:

Bradios: SHIT! I didn't expect the gorilla to be xL in disguise! also, is it just me or is this thread becoming WAR WERE DECLARED 2.0?

xL: No, it has become like Jerry Springer!

Bradios: Then where's the crowd that shouts "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" over again? *smacks xL with a mackerel*

xL: I said that it's LIKE Jerry Springer, not that it was. Also, they would shout "XL! XL! XL!"

SG2: No, we rebranded, remember? Last I checked, Jerry Springer wasn't a wilderness survival reality show. ...though admittedly it's been quite a while since I checked, so I could be wrong.

Mr. Bones: *pulls out an elephant gun* IM READY you know cyborg is the most dangerous game of them all

CAEJones: Do you count Springer's show on Air America as a wilderness survival show? =D Wait... *Notices surroundings* *Runs up a tree*

LG: OK HOLD UP!!!!!! XL YOU ARE NOT! I REPEAT NOT! THE WHORE OF IGNO THAT IS ME!!!!! *Breaks XL's toaster* YOU ARE MY BITCH AND THAT DOESN'T CHANGE JUST BECAUSE I LEAVE!!!!! *Slaps XL up*

MTS: *enters so-called EXTREME PENIS TORTURE wilderness battleground after reading 12 previous pages..backs away inconspicuously..*

Bradios: MTS! The~re you are~! *grabs MTS* Don't worry I'm not gonna hurt you

MTS: Ehhhhhhh! *is afraid but feels strangely safe with Bradios...* 

xL: Don't be, he might do shit to you! Believe me!

MTS: I CAN TRUST NO ONE ON THIS THREAD!

Bradios: Dammit xL! Stop making the new people afraid of me!!! *tackles xL*

SG2: You guys fail at survival wilderness reality shows. You're boring me. Also MTS doesn't have a PENIS so she wouldn't be a valid contestant anyways. *puts the cardboard set back up to the Trashy Talkshow* ...Aaaand we're back!! My next guests are MTS and Bradios, who are having some trouble in paradise...

xL: Apparently, MTS has issues trusting people on here thanks to me.

MTS: Oooooooooooooh! Ive always wanted to be in a reality show *grabs Bradios by the arm and drags him onto the random couch next to her* Yeeee!

Bradios: *is dragged onto a couch by MTS* I don't want any trouble to happen here

SG2: Now then. MTS, Bradios. Why don't you tell us what's been going on. What was your relationship like before XL came into your lives?

Bradios: Well, before xL came. MTS was the new kid in town and when I met her both she and I really hit it off. We ended up becoming close friends after that....that is until xL decided to ruin everything by saying that I'd kill her soon.  *glares at xL then back to SG2* That's about it from my perspective.

LG: *THROWS A CHAIR* LIES!!!!!!

xL: *Comes out onto the stage* *Gets boo'd at* *Sits next to Bradios*

MTS: *starts crying* well.. *sniffle* I really thought I could trust Bradios *sniffle sniffle* and I did for the longest time.. but then..then wh-when xL said Bradios would do shit to me.. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHO I CAN TRUST ANYMORE!!

LG: *Throws a flaming back of unicorn poo at MTS and BRAD* I DONT BELIEVE THIS SHE CAN DECEIVE YOU ALL WITH HER MAGICAL HYPNOTIC BOOBS!!!!!!

SG2: MTS, is that true? Are you trying to use this opportunity to be on public television to control the world with your hypnotits? *puts the mic to MTS' face*

SG2: THIS JUST IN.

IRC

<T3TRA> anyway, BRADIOS! IM HAVIBG YOUR BABY. WHY DONT YOU LOVE MY BRADIOOOS!
<SG2Tiger> YOU AND BRADIOS ALREADY HAD KINKY CYBORG SEX?
<LG> WAIT YOU’RE PREGERZ!!!!
<LG> ehhh everyone from my town gets prego in the first month on IGNO
<LG> or second it was one of the two for me too
<SG2Tiger> We’re just too sexy to resist
<SG2Tiger> IGNO makes you horny
<T3TRA> OMG I LOLD REALLY HARD JST NOW SG2. lije no kidding.im cryibg im laughing si hard
<SG2Tiger>
<T3TRA> BRADIOS. THE BABY IS HERE! IT HAS YOUR ARM BRADIOS!
<SG2Tiger> You mean his shoulderpad thing?
<T3TRA> yeah KOK
<Brad-i-os> back
<T3TRA> BABY YOUR BACK! I HAD YOUR BABY BRAD!
<T3TRA> IT LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU
<Brad-i-os> How could we? We never had sex
<SG2Tiger> http://bighugelabs.com/output/motivator … ec4ed6.jpg
<T3TRA> THATS WHAT YOU THINK
<LG> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SG2 I LOVE IT!!
<SG2Tiger> Wait wait wait
<SG2Tiger> If you didn’t have sex
<T3TRA> Thats cool SG2
<SG2Tiger> Then whose cyborg babies are gunnin’ their way out of MTS’ VAGE?
<LG> OMG she’s A WHORE
<SG2Tiger> NO IT CAN’T BE
<SG2Tiger>
<SG2Tiger> CRISIS?!
<T3TRA> he thinks im ugly and wont admit to having sex
<SG2Tiger> YOU RODE HIS HYDRAULIC COCK DIDN’T YOU
<T3TRA> no! not crisis
<SG2Tiger> Well who else but Crisis or Bradios…is Bradios lying?
<T3TRA> Noooooyou sikkooo
<SG2Tiger> Or is MTS lying about Crisis?
<SG2Tiger> TO THE TALKSHOW THREAD

MTS: This is like the Maury of IGNO.

SG2: KOK, that's the idea. Only with 95% more violence and PENIS sex.

CAEJones: ... Wait.... ... What is PENIS sex?

LG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA I COULD TEACH YOU SO MUCH!!!!! hehehehehhe ...Also lurk more in off topic extreme

MTS: I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS! But the fact-o-the-matter is... xL was right.. I CAN'T TRUST BRAD ):

LG: But then again right now trusting what XL says wouldnt be that great of an idea either now that he's a bigger whore than me....

Bradios: Agreed, nobody trust xL. He is an absolute lying, cheating whore

LG: *throws a chair at Brad* OK BITCH NO ONE TALKS BOUT MY MAN THAT WAY!!!!! I DEMAND TO BE ON THIS SHOW!!!!

MTS: *punches LG in the face* no! this is MY time to shine!  *grabs mic and starts singing to Simon, Paula, and Randy.*

xL:

Bradios: *sets whore-shields around his house to maximum* Try and get past that, xL!

xL: I already did. Check your anus for proof.

CAEJones:

SG2:

xL: Simon, Paula, and Randy are here because they shall decide who's the most fucked person on this show. I'm guessing that will come down to either PWR, LG, or SG2.

Mr. Bones: xL you're in the running for that prize too

CAEJones: But... I can be f--On second thought, I don't like how that sentence sounds well enough to finish it.

MTS: im the next American Idol

SG2: *bitch-slaps MTS* THIS IS IGNOLAND NOT AMERICA, BITCH!!!!

CAEJones: I'm gonna need some popcorn.

MTS: *starts belting out Whitney Huston's I Will Always Love You* I vote SG2 as most fucked up, what kind of talk show host are you!?

xL: SHE'S THE BEST ONE EVER. FUCK DR. PHIL.

MTS: That happened to be on the TV when I read this..

huuuge cell phone quality photo!

Reese: I DEMAND A PATERNITY TEST AS i AM 1000% SURE THAT i AM THE FATHER OF MTS' BABY!!1

Corey: I have a question for shamu the whore in the front, its no wonder your man left you for the cow, he was sick of surf and wanted the turf ..... i just had to thats my favorite part

xL:

SG2: examines the sheet of paper* ...this is a coupon for a night of... *puts on glasses and reads closer* ...'free XL lovin' with a side of jizz toast.'

xL: *Tries to divert SG2's attention from reading that piece of paper* Since when do you wear glasses?!

SG2: I actually do wear glasses if I need to read things from far away, usually just to see the board in class or if I'm playing video games on a TV screen or my eyes will hurt like Hell if I play for too long *smacks XL across the set with a 12x24* What purpose is there to trying to distract me from reading something I already read and stated out loud to the whole studio audience?

Bradios: So, xL seems to be handing out coupons for free sexual purposes...this is a very interesting development. (just wait til LG finds out about this. Hehe.)

CAEJones: (On a completely unrelated note, I don't really like PAIZURI. Unless it involves coconut. Or banana.) So... without the coupon, does XL have standard rates?

xL:

Tim: Do I get a coupon? (a)

SG2: *hands Traitor a coupon for a free visit to the local petting zoo* Knock yourself out  I've got two of these tickets, BTW; figure Katie might want the other.

xL: What exactly do you pet there?

SG2: Oh You Know Please tell me you haven't sunk so low into the sea of sexual deviancy that you're on the level of Traitor now...

Bradios: With all the ways LG has deprived him of sexual interaction, he probably would.

SG2: Oh trust me, I think XL has managed just fine on his own to be as un-deprived of sexual interaction as humanly (and perhaps, animally) possible.

xL: At Dairy Queen, that isn't ice cream I'm serving. It's better!

Reese: Pizza AND ice cream?

SG2:

I fucking see what you did there.

LG: XL IS A WHORE AND HE NEEDS HELP ON THIS SHOW!!!! PLEASE HELP I LOVE HIM!!!! *sob* *cry*

Bradios: What's he done NOW?!

SG2: ...are you blind, Bradios? Take a look at the last few posts in this and any other thread, or in your own pants for that matter. It should be obvious what he's done. He's become a bigger whore than LG.

Bradios: *goes off to check other threads...and pants* It is clear to me now, xL must be cleansed of his filthy ways!!

xL: Well, then come and clean me, Bradios!

SG2: ...you did kinda walk right into that one, man.

Bradios: Why should I be the one to do the sexual deed? When my robot sex slave could do that instead! *Activates robot sex slave* Go nuts, xL, It's practically all set for any form of sexual interaction.

LG: XL YOU WHORE I GAVE UP BEING A SLUT FOR YOU AND YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

Bradios: Maybe he took all of your slut powers for himself.

SG2: That's a good point. Maybe he pulled a Just-As-Planned and got you to abandon being a slut for his sake SPECIFICALLY so he could become the #1 Slut in town. He never loved you, LG...he was just biding his time, waiting for a chance to claim your throne. (incidentally what should our audience shout in place of 'Jeeeerry!! Jeeeerry!!' ? Because I think we need it now)

LG: XL YOU BITCH!!!! *LG TACKLES XL*

xL: I'll always love you LG! *pulls out a rose from my pants and hands it to LG*

Bradios: No! Don't listen to him LG! It's a trap!

SG2: I agree with Bradios. Just look at his new avatar...it's too shifty...

LG: *I hit xL with a chair* YOU SLUTTY WHORE! I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!!!! *I close my eyes*

Lemmy: Based on what I've seen, xL is not to be trusted. I know this, because I've never met him before and only just returned to IGNO after a year-long hiatus. That makes it TRUTH. That makes me... AN *AUTHORITY* Don't trust him, littlegoten. I like you better despite not knowing you at all. I'm the most fair person ever.

LG: Well because I am marrying xL I must trust him lol

xL: Yes, LG. You shall and always will trust me.

Bradios: The way xL says that makes me think he's going to or has already done something evil...  I'm keeping mah eyes on you, xL...

SG2: The incidents in IRC tonight make me question XL's loyalty and willingness to give up his whoring ways. :/

xL: Hey, Hamel knowingly allowed me into her home. Anything that happens there is her responsibility. So blame Hamel!

Hamel: did you miss the part that I pushed you out in the hallway?  But I do have to agree with SG2, or maybe he's trying to get as much as he can out before he commits himself?

SG2: But he's already committed by being engaged to LG, right? This is what happened the last time we tried to marry them...only back then it was LG who couldn't stop being a whore. Oh, how things change...

Hamel: I think LG had more of an effect on xL than he realized he would? Maybe its revenge? Like, getting back at him for all the whoring he did when they were first going to get married?

Lemmy: But whoring is a healthy part of marriage. Their experience in this area pre-relationship will be invaluable post-marriage.

LG: I agree I'll let him whore around till we get married. After we do get married though things shall change!

Bradios: Are you sure that's a good idea, I mean, what if he starts to like being a whore again?  That could ruin everything.

Lemmy: He can like being a whore with his whore husband, no?

Bradios: But wouldn't that be breaking the guidelines they made with SG2 and Fuhrer Bones?

Lemmy: Lemmy is not familiar with the terms of that agreement, if someone could please explain.

SG2: The rules were that they're not allowed to be whores anymore, or we won't marry them.

Mr. Bones: *throws a chair at lemmy* Just because

Lemmy: Oh, no you fucking did NOT. *attack* "JER-RY, JER-RY, JER-RY!!"

Mr. Bones: That's it bitch! *tackles lemmy and starts slapping him*

Lemmy: OW, OW. Please don't bitch-slap me, Mr. Bones, I'll be good! I'll be good!! *turns into wuss plant*

LG: I will trust my husband when he is my husband mhm!

SG2: THIS JUST IN A summary of what happened in IRC: DJ Jizzy LG fired MTS as intern in our radio show. We hired Hamel to replace her. MTS went postal and came back to assassinate LG...the weapon of choice? A TOAST GUN GIVEN TO HER BY NONE OTHER THAN XL. See for yourself...

IRC Log

[23:42] <@Traitor> SHE TOOK XL’S GUN!?
[23:42] <+MTS> he gave me one
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> XL HOW COULD YOU
[23:43] <+xL> No, Traitor
[23:43] <+xL> I gave her a secondary
[23:43] <+xL> My real gun is in my pants
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu>
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> I FIGURED IT OUT
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> GUYS
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> TIMEOUT
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> I FIGURED IT OUT
[23:43] <+Hamel> huh?
[23:43] <+DJ_JIZZY_LG> MTS I DONT WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> Xl gave MTs the gun
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> so she can kill LG
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> AND THAT MEANS THE WEDDING IS OFF
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> AND XL CAN RESUME HIS WHORING
[23:43] <@Traitor> IT WAS ALL AN EXCUSE
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> WITHOUT MRBONES BRINGING DOWN THE FLUFFY HUGS
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> I SOLVED IT!!
[23:43] <+DJ_JIZZY_LG> I HETE YOU MTS
[23:43] <@Traitor> HOW COULD YOU DO THIS XL!
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> XL IS USING YOU MTS
[23:43] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> DON’T DO IT
[23:43] <+MTS> SO, I’m… A HOMEWRECKER!?!?!?
[23:44] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> YOU’RE JUST A PAWN IN HIS SEXUAL GAMES!!
[23:44] <@Traitor> MicMastahMCEsjitu – Super Detective!
[23:44] <+DJ_JIZZY_LG> I HATE YOU
[23:44] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> TO THE TRASHY TALKSHOW THREAD!!
[23:44] * +MTS crawls away in emotional agony
[23:44] <+Hamel> D8
[23:44] <+MrBones> The wedding is off
[23:44] <+xL>
[23:44] * +MrBones prepares the narwhals of castration
[23:44] +DJ_JIZZY_LG rips off my own balls
[23:44] <+DJ_JIZZY_LG> there you go
[23:44] <+MTS> I’M A HOMEWRECKERRR…
[23:45] * +MrBones signals the castration
[23:45] <+xL> SG2, you have some silly conspiracy theories
[23:45] <+MTS> or, maybe he really just wanted to give me a toast gun because, he’s a nice guy?
[23:45] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> Nice, MTS?
[23:45] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> When he knew…
[23:45] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> YOU’D USE IT TO ASSASSINATE LG?!
[23:45] <+MTS> I HAVE TO SEE THE BEST IN PEOPLE
[23:45] * ~MicMastahMCEsjitu plays dramatic detective music
[23:46] <+MTS> fuck
[23:46] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> MTS it’s okay
[23:46] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> The real criminal here is
[23:46] <~MicMastahMCEsjitu> *XL*!!
[23:46] <+Hamel> o_______0
[23:46] * ~MicMastahMCEsjitu plays drama cue
[23:46] * +MTS crawls away again in despair
[23:46] <+MTS> my life is a lie

MTS: I wreck marriageessssss..... *creyys*

Bradios: Don't blame yourself...it was gonna happen anyway, what with both of them being untrustworthy whores and sluts.

Hamel: You should cry MTS, you should, its all your fault!! Home-wrecking bitch  HIDE YER WIVES, HIDE YER KIDS AND HIDE YER HUSBANDS THERE BE A HOME-WRECKER HERE   though we all know who is really to blame here thats right... You know who you are

MTS:

xL: Hey, I'm not the one throwing out all of these conspiracy theories! I say we can't trust SG2!

Mr. Bones: I say we can. But can we trust you? you're a terrorist, rapist whore.

Bradios: He's probably a neutral spy working for MTS....

SG2: ...that's a little hard to trust coming from you, Bradios.