The IGNO Arsonist

LG: Someone started some of the huts of my land on fire! We know it wasn't an accident! I'm willing to bet that it won't be the last time someone starts fires around IGNOLand. We must bring this douche bag to justice!  Is anyone else having this problem?

xL: I woke up one morning and my pubic hair was gone...and my genitals were sore.

SG2: Isn't that just a regular Friday night for you, though? Also, I have been noticing some more brushfires than usual in the SG2 Savanna...but I didn't think too much of it because, well, it's a Savanna. But now that you mention it, it is a little suspicious...

LG: The thing is I think it has to be one of the key IGNOites and not one of our slaves citizens because they would be afraid of being sentenced to death the corner as a punishment.

Mr. Bones: no fires in my parts, but i don't think a city made of bone, concrete and on a series of canals would be very flammable, hmmm maybe it was you LG, burning down your own huts and some of SG2's savanna because you're mad about being fired and losing your role as Sultan of Semen. You set those fires DIDN'T YOU?

Bradios: I powered up this morning, went into the armory and discovered that a majority of my weapons were gone.

Reese: Hmm, most of my lands are aflame. I'll have to do some thourough surveying to see if anything on fire isn't supposed to be.

Mr. Bones:

SG2: I have to admit LG makes a good point, here. I'm thinking it's far more likely that one of our fire-element IGNOites would be a prime candidate for spreading random fires...so either Russell is trying to mislead us with his innocent-sounding post, or, more likely... *points dramatically at Hamel*

I theorize that Hamel is setting fire to random areas of IGNOLand!! Being a fiery shadow demon of shadowy fieryness, she has the means - the ability to create fire from her own body, as well as use her shadows to sneak around unseen which is how the culprit hasn't been caught. Futhermore, she has the motive - an attempt to overthrow the dictatorship divine rulership of Fuhrer Bones and get IGNOites to elect a new leader, this mysterious 'Noa' character she wants us to vote for!!

What say you to defend yourself, Hamel?!

Karma: I've also seen a few fires around the Blood Country. This is absolutely unacceptable, as fire is banned from the Blood Country due to being a rare weakness for a vampire, and I absolutely won't stand for myself or my undead minions citizens being threatened. This culprit needs to be found, and stopped. Immediately.

Hamel: I have a theory that it may be someone from the Magical Tunnels that is not me. If anyone can provide time frames for when they think that the fires first arrived in their lands I can provide alibis for all of them.  You all tend to forget that I do not really "rule" the Magical Tunnels, I'm a squatting resident there with no power over the other residents and while there is an area in them that is completely fire it is not entirely the same for other areas. While I have struck a deal with the other people there that I wont' attack them if they don't attack me and we have known to work together before, whoever this arsonist is, it is not me.

Karma: Well I know the flames happened in the Blood Country during the day. The Blood Country is eternally dim and overcast to make it easy for us undead folk, since the sun is sort of...an irritant...to us. But even with the cloud coverage and eternal magically-induced darkness, we can feel when it's day and night, and my minions citizens are weaker during the day.  This arsonist is clever; they struck in the Blood Country at just the right moment, taking advantage of our dislike of the day.  But if it isn't you, Hamel...then how do you suggest we find the REAL culprit?

SG2:

Mr. Bones: yes that is true the now deposed oberstgruppenfuhrer does have a rogue clone. if it is your clone causing the fires then you know the rules; your clone, your responsibility. if you track down and incarcerate or extinguish your clone you are free to go, but if you fail well you guys get the jist by now, how many times have we gone through this spiel now? get cracking hamel, everyone else search for more evidence, just in case it was someone else, because remember, a famous fictional doctor once said, "Everybody lies." (except for Karma her text is in red)

Hamel:

Mr. Bones: no it wont do you harm but we will. the rules have been laid down since before you took power, round up your clone and either execute or incarcerate it, or you'll be incarcerated. i have a nice underwater cell designated for one of you. your clone your responsibility. those are the rules we all have to abide by well except me and people i make exceptions for

Hamel: Then how are we certain that it is not YOU that is trying to frame someone? If you are not to follow your own rules then what is stopping you from framing other people in order to "exert your title?" out of pure boredom? Lets not forget that your area was not under attack. Again, if you want it under control then YOU take the responsibility for it considering YOUR position over things and matters, I cannot be bothered by such trivial things interfering with my hibernation. This is the last I will post on this matter and now I bid adieu, don't bother trying to find me because I will be dispersed throughout various particles of fire and shadow until my hibernation is complete.

SG2: ...I'm not sure why Hamel has to hibernate, but a thought occurs...if her clone is a clone of her, then shouldn't it also need to be hibernating at this time of year for whatever reasons she is? That would mean it couldn't be her clone in the first place, right? So it would seem we're back to square one. :/

LG: What if it's an attack coming from outside of IGNOLand? Or what about the possibility of someone doing this by accident? Or what if I'm out of ideas WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?!?! OR WHAT IF IT'S EVERY VILLAIN IS LEMON!?

Hamel: I don't think the Lemongrabs would have anything to do with the fires. It seems incomprehensible to their nature.

Mr. Bones: maybe it was Man Ray or the Dirty Bubble, i mean after Mermaid Man's tragic death i would assume that they would reorganize and run rampant around the world

SG2: I feel like it might be hard for underwater supervillains to be experienced arsonists, though...and the lemongrabs would probably be sentenced to the 3 weeks dungeon at the very least for such crimes. No...I think we're looking at someone more familiar with IGNOLand...

LG: You know SG2 you are pretty quick to shut down everyone's suspicions. Also you know IGNOLand better than anyone...

MTS: I WOKE UP WITH MY TIITS SINGED WHAT THE HEEEELL GUISE

Cowsy: Oh sorry MTS, I lit the fire cause it was cold and it kinda got out of control >.<

SG2:

IRC Snippet

<~BrokenSG2Again> Traitor cheats at life.
<~BrokenSG2Again> Like, literally.
* +Traitor summons clones
<~BrokenSG2Again> It’s literally LIFE that he cheats.
*** TimClone has joined #igno
*** IGNOBot sets mode +v TimClone
<~BrokenSG2Again> o_O
<~BrokenSG2Again> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<~BrokenSG2Again> CHEATER.
*** TimClone2 has joined #igno
*** IGNOBot sets mode +v TimClone2
<~BrokenSG2Again> …F-F-FUCK
<+Traitor> c:
<+PetCowsy> I think it’s Traitor culling time
* +PetCowsy supercharges SG2’s chainsaw
<~BrokenSG2Again> COWSY NO
<+Traitor>
<~BrokenSG2Again> EVERY ONE YOU CUT DOWN
<~BrokenSG2Again> HE WILL SUMMON 2 MORE
* +PetCowsy grins evilly
<+Traitor> Damn it!
<+Traitor> :c
<+Traitor> I thought you didn’t know that
<+PetCowsy> then how do we kill it
<~BrokenSG2Again> Fire
<~BrokenSG2Again> Duh
<~BrokenSG2Again> You GOTTA kill it with fire
<+PetCowsy> Right
<+PetCowsy> wait
*** TimClone2 has quit IRC: Killed (Traitor (Lets test this…))
*** TimClone3 has joined #igno
*** IGNOBot sets mode +v TimClone3
*** TimClone4 has joined #igno
*** IGNOBot sets mode +v TimClone4
<+PetCowsy> I already burned MTS’s tits off
* +Traitor claps hands
<+PetCowsy> I don’t think I should handle fire
<~BrokenSG2Again> I’m wondering if YOU’RE the IGNO arsonist, Cowsy
<~BrokenSG2Again> Maybe you just were visiting random cities
<~BrokenSG2Again> And got COLD
<+Traitor> This wouldn’t surprise me
<+PetCowsy>
<~BrokenSG2Again> And just can’t be trusted with fire
<+PetCowsy> HOOVES CANT HANDLE MATCHES
<~BrokenSG2Again> OR GLUE
<+PetCowsy> its like superglue…
<~BrokenSG2Again> GODDAMMIT COWSY
<+PetCowsy> What do you expect, I AM a cow?
<~BrokenSG2Again> …
<~BrokenSG2Again> Questionmark?
<~BrokenSG2Again> Are you UNSURE that you’re a cow somehow…?
* ~BrokenSG2Again is suspicious
*** BrokenSG2Again is now known as SuspiciouSG2

Reese: Hey! Hey, guys! I was struck by the arsonist, too.  He set my, uh... lava... on fire!

SG2: ...I can't quite put my finger on why...but I find the things you say to be highly...suspicious...

Cowsy: Something to do with lava already being on fire? Nah, can't be it, that would be too obvious.

Mr. Bones: it's a collusion between Russell and Cowsy, she's clearly trying to deflect blame onto him with her last response. has anyone else noticed hoofprints on their land? I've noticed a few citizens with hoofprints and scorch marks on them, but like i said, as my land is pretty flame retardant due to environment and building materials i can understand why fires weren't successful, bones and water aren't exactly flammable.

SG2: You should check out the latest happenings in the cbox backlog. Some of the things Russell said there, well... Call me crazy, but I feel very suspicious right now... 

Bradios: Suspiciousness, conspiracies, possibly traitorous behavior. This arsonist, whomever it may be, seems to be tearing IGNO apart!

SG2: So you just showed up to this thread to basically summarize what everyone already knows is going on, and state the obvious...? I'd say that puts you back in the running as a suspect, Bradios.