FOOD FIGHT

SG2: She's right. Cookies, brownies, and any cakelike items you encounter can prove especially dangerous if you're not prepared. Be on the lookout.

Moose: THIS MAN ACCEPTS YOUR CHALLENGE AGAINST FOOD

Karma: Yeah, but about you? Are you a loyal soldier of the Blood Country army? Will you follow your Kaiser's commands and fight the Food Army until the sweet little bastards are completely destroyed? WELL?

SG2: He seemed loyal enough in the Christmas story. That's good enough for me!!

Karma: All right! So we've got...one...recruit! We need more though...

Aibou: It's a conspiracy. I'll enlist in your forces to down the sweet lies that are chocolate, fruitz, chips, Pocky and ice creamz. And chocolatez. Of course I will. *sharpens knives*

SG2: Did we ever find out the fortress of the junk food battalion that night we interrogated the fudge, Karma? We may want our first attack to be a secret ambush on them.

Lemmy: Gonna sit this one out, but if Mermaid Intelligence gives me anything useful I'll make sure to pass it along. Though . . . "useful" and anything that goes under the header "Lemmy" is a li'l bit of a contradiction . . .

SG2: AS SLAVE TO THE BLOOD KAISER YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THE MATTER *binds and gags* If nothing else we can use you as a sacrifice, and when they're distracted by your mermaid beauty, sneak into their secret base. Yes, you will prove infinitely useful...

Reese: Well I serve the Kaiser so I guess I'm in.

SG2: Awesooooooooooome!! I think the first foe in our raid on the Junkfood Army are the girlscout cookies, right now. They seem to be attempting to brainwash several of the IGNOers.

Karma: That loyalty thing really pays off

SG2: I'm loyal to you

Karma: Except for the parts when you regularly threaten to brick me or hit me or say you hate me or encourage rebellion against me...

SG2: Then...then why on all the threads where I say I hate you do you always respond with 'no you don't :D'?! I want to help the fight against the girlscout army... I can has a cookie, preez? *gives her vanilla coke*

Karma: If you promise not to steal cookies from Russell all the time, maybe I'll give you cookies of your own.

Crisis: *picks up an 8 ft long metal rod, and gets an arm mounted rail cannon* And with this, we can catch them with their pants down...literally! Provided Lemmy can pole dance that is. Other wise, i'll be making cookie kabobs.

Reese: WTF!?

SG2: ...Either one of two things is happening here. A) Other Alex assumes cookies wear pants. B) ...Other Alex is trying to...ass-rape Lemmy. ... ...Yeah I'm not really liking option B

Crisis: maybe i'm off to ass rape cookies... *follows kaiser, 'cause she's got the checkbook*

SG2: ...That is almost as if not more disturbing. It also requires us to consider that cookies have asses.

Lemmy: Just had to jump in with this. LEMMY BENDS OVER FOR NO ONE.

Aibou: O,o... But if he's a mermaid, then how can...? ... ...You know what, nevermind. <,<

Karma: Haven't we already HAD this discussion several times now?

SG2: We've yet to get our answers

Karma: Although apparently we're getting closer to uncovering them.

Aibou: ......................

SG2: 'This Time, For Reals' thread's been on the topic of mermaid sex for about a month, now.

Aibou: Can I has a pool of acid.

SG2: Only if you remember to wear your titanium swimsuit. *PUSH*

Lemmy: Applied appropriately three times, "brutal" shall henceforth be named Lemmy's Favorite Word concerning this spree.

Crisis: ahh, Aibou is swimming in vinager. Vinager has a Ph of 6, so it is an acid, just not a very good one.

Karma: Plus it's stinky.

SG2: I'm the one who got the acid. I think I'd know if it were vinegar. Aibou's bones have probably melted by now, but hey...she's got a seemingly infinite supply of Phoenix Down. She'll be alright.

Karma: If she has an infinite Pheonix Down supply, why is it that she always calls for the services of a medic and/or healer?

Reese: Because you can't use a Fenixdown on yourself, even I know that.

SG2: Ya rly. Anyways it has come to my attention that certain IDIOTS on IGNO have been summoning legion after legion of cookies to the board, thus revealing our location to the entire Junkfood Battalion and, probably eventually, the other units of the Food Army. WHAT HAVE YOU IDIOTS DONE?! Everyone, battlestations!! To the Good Hoof to regroup!!

Karma: Pfft, I screen the cookies before I distribute them. And YOU'RE the one who keeps stealing them and begging for them anyway.

SG2: Someone has to eat them because you're spreading them like an infectious disease around the board. I must eat them to eliminate the evil - because yes, they are all inherently evil; if you're not detecting it, they've already brainwashed you. I have to destroy (eat) them to protect the rest of my board members from the same cruel fate.

Karma: Except I only distribute them when they're about to be immediately eaten. You just want cookies.

Reese:

SG2:

Cumtastic: cookie? cook-ify me Russell?

Reese: ummmm, k. *summons a mountain of cookies on CT* She has an adamantium spine, right?

Crisis: I don't even have one of those... I have an Iridium shell though, so it all balances out. *digs CT out of the pile of cookies, puts an armored exosuit on her, and tosses her back in*

Reese: Personally I would have gone for a spinal graft, but w/e.

Crisis: yea, but grafts take forever to heal, and i'm a combat AI, not a medical one.

Reese: Well I could heal her if she were undead! *gets a wonderfully horribly evil idea* Master, can we make her our servant?

SG2: No. No more vampires. No more immortals. We've got enough of them, and all they seem to do is eat cookies. AND LOOK AT THE THREAD WE'RE ON, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FIGHTING THEM, THEY'VE INVADED OUR HOME BASE, AAAAUGH

Lemmy: . . . how is that any different from you? I gave you buttloads of cookies yesterday to cure the sadness of your "abandonment" in the IGNO Chatroom, and you ate them all like nobody's business. You even ate the ones that I had to tear apart the space-time continuum to get for you, and then-- THEN when I told you that giving you any more would result in the collapse the universe as we know it? You ate them anyways. Now cookies simply do not exist. I don't know what the vampires and immortals are gonna do, now . . .

Cumtastic: Lemmy... you shouldn't believe all the rumors on the internet... *eats cookie* No SG2, you cannot have mi-cookie Russell.. that.. was not your idea... I was hinting at that like a week ago... I have decided that since I can live without life and you are already necromancer and Keiser has your loyality... that... maybe I'm more valuable alive... you know.. blend in more.

Lemmy: it wasn't a rumor, Mae; it actually happened! She collapsed the universe! I was fucking there; I still have nightmares over it, and all cookies vanished from existence due to her sheer greed for-- . . . Where did you get that cookie?

Cumtastic: told you... rumors on the internet.. *eats another cookie* things must not have been as you assumed/

Karma: The Keeper fixed everything but you don't remember it sweetheart. That's where the cookie came from.

SG2: No, Lemmy really did destroy the universe for my sake...mostly the sake of giving me cookies. All the cookies, and due to his actions, the entire universe itself, are now residing inside the depths of my stomach. But how can I exist outside of the known universe? Well clearly... I have BECOME the universe. And the universe you all live in now is within me...as are the cookies, so it's like nothing has changed at all, but, it really did.

Aibou: What is the sound of one hand clapping?!

Cumtastic: That's impossible.. I can not reside IN you if you are the universe... The universe revolves around me... ask Urban Dictionary

SG2: Urban Dictionary lies to you, because the government pays it to. I mean think about it, I devoured the universe. That's a high priority for a coverup right there. You know what Aibou always says about conspiracies...