A Night at the Orchestra

MTS: This originates from a chat in IRC sometime last week when my phone autocorrected IRC to Orchestra. And I promised SG2 my next post would be titled this. So in the respect of keeping my promise, here it is. IGNO IS AT THE ORCHESTRA, and each of us has to put on an act/give a performance of some sort on stage. It can be anything. What would you do?

Mr. Bones: *points out the obvious*  i'd play a folk set on my mandolin, also the time warp (alex russell and karma can confirm that i do infact know how to play this song)

MTS: I'D BUST OUT MAH BOOBAYS AND MAKE YUU ALL DANCE DA T!M3 W4RP Y0!

SG2: I'll just be hanging out in the audience, silently judging you all.

LG: I would be playing my very phallic looking flute. It charms all the PENISes in the room to do what ever I want. And we all know men think only with one head

SG2: ...I'm curious as to what kinds of things you could manipulate normal PENISes into doing...not everyone has multiple, detachable, seemingly magical and multi-use PENISes the way you do, LG. ...unless your control would somehow grant them these powers, in which case, I retract my statement about being present in this audience.

MTS: You know what he REALLY means when he says he's playing the flute, riight?

Mr. Bones: he's really playing a common iteration of the skin flute, its called a bag pipe

MTS: MY THOUGHTS EXACLTY. LG's dick flute is a conspiracy.

SG2: I just imagined all the pipes in a bagpipe as dicks...someone Photoshop this. Also, this was raised last night in IRC - we should have an IGNOLand opera.

xL: Who's going to be the fat lady that sings?

SG2: MTS your mom.

xL: Oh, I was going to suggest we dress Traitor or Bradios as a woman and place padding under their clothes.

Bradios: Seeing as I'm a cyborg, I think it's quite obvious what I'd be doing for the evening- Oh wait, we're talking about opera now, huh? And I don't even need the use of padding under the dress! Just give me some time and I shall expand my chest area for it if unnecessary!

SG2: ...considering you just revealed that you apparently have the ability to give yourself breast enhancements, I'm wondering what indeed is so obvious that you as a cyborg would be doing in a dark theatre... Anyways, Bradhilde, anyone?

Bradios: That's....scarily accurate to what I was thinking I would look like with everything I mentioned.

MTS:

SG2: Exactly. The only thing that worries me is whether or not the stage can handle both your and Bradios' considerable bosoms so you can perform the signature duet.

MTS: CAN BRAD SING WE SHOULD MAKE AN IRL COVER OF A SONG IF YOU CAN

Bradios: YES, YES, I CAN SING, YES, YES, YES, LETS DO THIS, YES!

MTS: WHAT SONG SHOULD WE DO. WE'LL HAVE TO DEDICATE IT TO IGNO AND ALL WHO RESIDE HERE. And we'll have to figure out how to record it long distance haha

Mr. Bones: the pokemon theme song DOOOOO IT

SG2: I approve of this. You guys could probably do it together on Skype or something and record it. Or we could use TS3 and you could perform for us live!! After all, isn't that what a night at the orchestra is all about?  LIVE PERFORMANCE. NO REHEARSALS. FINAL DESTINATION.

Bradios: ARRANGE A DATE FOR EVERYBODY TO GET ON SKYPE AND/OR TS3 AND WE SHALL DO IT! RIGHT MTS?!

MTS: YES. YESYESYEYSYEYSYESY

LG: I decided for my part of the orchestra I just wanna spank someones ass like they are bongos and call them Bradios

MTS: boom bada boom boom bonngg BRADIOS

SG2: Wait, I'm confused. Is that the sound of MTS (now Bradios)' ass being slapped by LG, or did MTS steal LG's gig and start slapping someone else's ass? If so, whose ass is being slapped?! I NEED TO KNOW!! WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE ASS SLAPPING

LG: I DON'T KNOW *half of head deflates*

SG2: Well shit, unless he can perform with only half a head, we just lost an act... QUICK!! WHO CAN GO UP ON STAGE IN HIS PLACE, WITH A GOOD ACT, IN SUCH SHORT NOTICE?!

LG: So in the last month my head inflated again. I am now back on with my first act of my PENIS flute. I want to play this because when you play it it can wake up sleeping men and desperate women that wouldn't care that I am gay.

SG2: Is it just me or does the PENIS Flute sound like it'd be a magical artifact of some kind? I'm envisioning it as hidden in the depths of the PENIS Desert, in something similar to the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin...