Krampus was still standing in foyer of the North Pole Mansion, silently enjoying his victory. This time, he had finally done what he had never managed before - Santa Claus was trapped in the Christmas Dimension by way of his magic bag, which was steadily burning on the bed of coals like chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Scattered around and outside the torn-up room were the crumpled bodies of Angel, Katie, Von Goatly, PWR and Atlas, who had tried to oppose him but were no match for his newfound power. And in the courtyard outside, the pixie army was laying waste to whatever rabble was left of the elven forces. For once, everything was finally going his way…nothing could possibly ruin this moment. Nothing…
…nothing?
The snowglobe that had rolled under his feet in the scuffle was…cracking. It was cracking?! This was bad. The magic that had been used on this snowglobe was thoroughly explained to him, and there was absolutely no way the glass could be shattered from the outside. The only way to break it was from the inside, and only if Linda were to…lose consciousness.
Oh. Crap.
Krampus knew what was about to happen, and quickly tossed the globe towards the window…but it got barely a foot beyond his reach before it finally burst. There was a flash of light and an explosion of energy…Krampus was thrown backward against the wall, and the impact was painful even on his souped-up body. When the dust cleared…as he had expected, all twelve of the IGNOites that had been sealed inside stood, crowded to falling over each other…having been restored to their original sizes.
"We…we're alive?!", Iris squeaked, opening her eyes. "We're alive!!"
They didn't know what was going on when the world began to crack and splinter around them, but seeing the broken remains of the snowglobe music box on the floor beneath their feet, it all became clear. By defeating Linda, whose magic orchestrated the entire ordeal, they had broken the spell and escaped the endlessly repeating Christmases. They had spent nearly two weeks reliving the same day inside the globe – however, in the real world, a calendar on the wall read December 24th…and the hands on the clock indicated it was just about 7 o'clock at night. Time was flowing normally out here…they hadn't missed Christmas after all.
Everyone hugged and cheered for their success, before realizing that their harrowing holiday was not yet over. A glance around the room gave them all a rough idea of the situation…unsurprisingly, Krampus was behind the whole thing, and he'd already laid quite the beatdown on their friends.
"I should have known…", growled Bones. "Who else would be the mastermind behind such a scheme…"
"Yes, it's a shame you didn't figure it out sooner…", Krampus responded, picking himself up and dusting the wall rubble from his fur. "However, one of the effects of Linda's magic was that you would forget all about little ol' me in the first place…otherwise you may be overcome with that troublesome desire to break out and 'save Christmas'."
"Too bad for you, that's exactly what happened anyway!!", Bradios said with a grin.
"Oh no, I'm trembling." Krampus spread his arms wide before the fireplace. "Unfortunately, you're still too late – I've already disposed of ol' Chris Kringle."
The IGNOites didn't know the circumstances behind Krampus' plan to steal Santa's magic bag and seal him within another dimension…but it was obvious that he'd done something terrible simply from his tone and the way he was indicating the flames behind him. That, and a glance around told them that they were at the North Pole…yet Krampus was as calm as could be, and faced no resistance from any of Santa's troops. Could he…really have…?
"What did you do to Santa?!", roared SG2, revving her chainsaw angrily. Krampus only laughed.
"Oh don't worry, little tiger – he's very much alive, that I can assure you. Otherwise, I wouldn't still be standing here…however, I'm afraid if you're hoping you can still save him you're sorely mistaken. See that scrap of cloth burning to lovely little cinders? Consider that…his body bag."
SG2's rage boiled over. She didn't know what was going on, but she didn't need to.
"I don't know who you are…", she hissed, once again failing to remember her holiday arch-rival, "but if you think you can just hurt Santa and try to destroy Christmas, you've got another thing coming!!!!!"
The tiger leapt into the air, chainsaw blazing and began to swing wildly at the Krampus…however, in his current state, he was too fast for even her to match. He was like a green blur darting around the room, dodging every attack effortlessly…
"Hahahaha!! Sorry, tiger, but things are going to work out a little differently this year!!"
With a swipe of his arm and a fling of his chain, SG2 was sent flying clear out the already broken wall…the others couldn't even tell how far away she'd landed, if she even had. Krampus…had become incredibly powerful. And he hadn't even grown to an outrageous size this time…
"Shit…!!", LG cursed before charging ahead, blade at the ready.
"You fools really don't know when to give up, do you…"
Krampus and LG became locked in a clash that, on the surface, seemed the same as the earlier battle with Santa…the difference was that this time, Krampus was winning. Though LG had initiated the attack and unleashed several of his most devastating strikes, Krampus had dodged every single one…not even his patented finishing technique, Gay Judgment, was enough to singe a single ragged hair on the monster's body!! Now it was LG who was on the defensive, blocking the swift blows being steadily thrown from the sturdy chain. The Gaylian fought admirably…but it took less than three minutes for him to be thrown to the ground and brutally kicked into the corner.
"Stay back, all of you!!", commanded Bones, unsheathing his mighty axe Beinskerandi and transforming into his armored form. "This is a job fit for a Konungur!!"
"No matter which one of you comes, the result will be the same…"
Bones fared slightly better than LG – he actually managed to land several blows. However, it only served to make the situation feel all the more grim…for not even the raw barbarian strength of his mighty transformation made the Krampus so much as flinch. On the contrary, it was Bones who was grabbed in those ferocious green claws…and mercilessly spiked into the ceiling.
The scene played out more or less the same for every single one. No matter what techniques, magical or mundane, the IGNOites employed - the Krampus always had a counter. It was hard to believe they were even fighting the same being…he was normally far more cunning than he was physically capable, having to resort to enlarging his body in order to stand a fighting chance. But now…he looked just the same, perhaps with a slightly more toned physique, and yet his power was even more through the roof than Konungur Bones' dangling body.
"It's…no use…", said Katie, having regained consciousness but still quite wounded in the corner of the room. "He's stronger now…than he ever has been…with Santa gone, his powers…are…"
Katie sputtered a bit before she could manage no more…but the others got the gist. Krampus had absorbed the Christmas Power that usually belonged to Santa - the way things were now, they'd never be able to scratch him. They cursed their terrible luck…having finally overcome Linda's magic with teamwork, they thought they would finally be home free. Even if they had remembered the Krampus…none of them could have possibly foreseen this outcome. Was this really the end? All the life lessons they'd learned inside the globe, fighting together…had it all been for nothing…?
No…the key had been in front of them all along.
"Everyone…remember what we've been through these past few days…", said Karma, struggling back to her feet. "We couldn't have gotten through any of it alone…but together…we managed to defy the odds, even if they were stacked heavily against us…"
"She's right", Tim nodded. "I know I wouldn't have overcome the weakness in my heart if Hamel hadn't been there to reassure me…"
"And without xL, I would have let my fears control me…", Bradios agreed.
Everyone in this room had weaknesses, no matter how strong they may be. But through working together, friends were able to compensate for those weaknesses. By attacking one at a time, they would continue to fall helplessly before the Krampus. But if all twelve of them - no, all sixteen IGNOites share their powers - they may just stand a chance!!
Krampus was currently standing in the middle of the room practicing his evil laugh and victory pose, giving everyone a convenient chance to recover…they probably only had one chance. Once he went on the attack again, even a team attack may not have been enough. Nobody said a word – their bonds let them sense each others' determination and realize exactly what they needed to do. All at once, they began to charge their attacks.
SG2's rocket chainsaw.
Karma's magic of Ruination.
Reese's Energy Drain.
Bones' flaming axe.
Katie and Von Goatly's Goat Condom Beam.
Angel's bow and light arrows.
Bradios' Plasma Shot.
LG's Gay Judgment.
xL's Hot-Buttered Fury.
Hamel's Shadovarius.
PWR's blade-shitting crows.
Tim's Lightning Rod.
MTS' Titty Twister.
Atlas' Centaur Kick.
Iris' banjo playing.
And Azaran…well, he didn't feel like teaming up with those jerks, so instead he took a seat over by the fireplace.
All fifteen friends gathered together…and, like the finishing move of an episode of Go Go Rainbow Rangers, their powers…combined. Into an elementally-charged, Ruination-coated, life-draining flurry of weapons, body parts, and bird poop. They moved together as one, bringing the brunt of their strongest attacks down on Krampus all at once…he took a defensive stance, arms crossed and ready to deflect the blow. The room was drowned in a brilliant explosion of light……
…when the dust settled…there was nothing left of the room but the foundation, debris, and one seriously durable fireplace. In the middle of what was once the parlor stood the Krampus, his arms still crossed in an 'X'…but his body was pocked with red and purple bruises as wispy billows of smoke emanated from his charred fur. All the same…he was still on his feet. The IGNOites had put their best efforts into that attack, but ultimately they had failed to even knock him off balance!! Nothing they did could so much as phase him in this state...
…or so they thought.
The ground began to rumble…long gone was the smug confidence from the Krampus' face. In its place was nothing but fathomless, seething hatred. For what? For the IGNOites? No…there was…more to it than that…
"You insignificant, inconsequential, inexcusable little wOoOoOrRrMmSsSs…", he snarled in an unearthly tone the likes of which they'd never heard from him. "I have worked so hard for this day…never once did I sit around and expect this opportunity to fall into my lap, oh no…I've dedicated my eternal,miserable life towards this goal…for the day when I would finally get the respect I deserved."
He approached them slowly, very slowly…but despite his wrathful words, the IGNOites could sense no bloodlust from him…and so they held their ground, allowing him to speak.
"No one living chooses to be born into this world. We're all given life against our will...a mass of primal needs and instincts. The wolf does not consider hunting cute little bunnies to be 'wrong', he simply knows that bunnies are easy prey, and he must eat. But you would condemn him for that life, and treat him as a cruel and evil beast.
Perhaps I cannot complain then that I, too, was hunted. But while the fate of prey is to lay down and die, I was denied that release. For centuries, I've remained trapped in this tiny corner of Hell, unable to escape, unable to resist...unable to die. And the one who thrust this misery upon me? He will eternally be remembered - beloved - for consigning me, the evil beast, to this fate. Hundreds of years have passed, but his legacy continues. All the world over, the children have many names for him…but a mere fraction have ever even heard my name."
The pity parade was starting to get old, and SG2 stepped forward to interrupt…but Bones held out his arm and shook his head. This was something he had been wanting to get off his chest…for a very long time.
"This role that was forced upon me…does not allow me such an opportunity for glory. He's the one sitting in his comfortable chair 364 days a year, making a list and checking it twice. He is the one who decides who's been naughty or nice. And me…? I get to spend those 364 days a year rebuilding my tower from last year's failure…and plotting how I'm going to fail all over again next time. And even now that I've finally achieved my long-sought goal, earned my way to it…even though he's gone, I'm still seen as nothing more than the villain of this sad, long-running play. The one whose job it is…to be cast aside at the end of the story."
The Krampus took a deep breath…and looked up to the sky.
"Very well...if that's my role, then I'll continue to play the part. I hope you're watching. May my suffering continue to entertain you from the next world."
After a long pause, Krampus stops in his tracks and takes a squatting stance. Arms spread wide, he unleashes a huge dome of red and green energy around him. The ground shakes violently as the blast expands outward, swallowing everything in its path. The flying IGNOites act quickly and grab the others, dragging them away just in time as what little remained of the room – and the rest of the North Pole workshop – was completely engulfed by the colorful burst. The elven and pixie armies - still fighting out front - are not spared, the survivors immediately dropping their weapons to run for their lives from the ever-expanding energy field. Then, the blast finally explodes in an enormous supernova, turning the entire North Pole into a barren wasteland...well, more barren than usual.
Just barely managing to escape the blast radius, the IGNOites land on the exposed, scorched earth. Clamoring to their feet, everyone bands together, taking offensive positions. This battle is not yet finished.
"I'll wipe your sorry little band off the face of this earth, along with Christmas itself!! HaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
At long last…the Krampus' body began to convulse. His muscles expanded…and, as expected, he began to grow to giant size. But as predictable as this was, the power he held in his normal form had already exceeded his usual giant form abilities…so the prospects weren't exactly looking good for the IGNOites.
"No…I won't…give up hope…!!", cried SG2, powering up. "Everyone…lend me your strength!! We're going to save Christmas…we're going to save it together!!"
The others simply stared – they had no idea what she was planning. Their best attacks had barely put a dent in Krampus at his normal size – what could their attacks possibly do from down here?! Not even the flying IGNOites had been able to get close enough without being swatted out of the air like insects. And even if they won…what would happen to Christmas? Santa Claus…was already gone. All they could do was stand there dejected, unable to comprehend the tiger's optimism. They had already given up hope.
But as the tiger's face fell with despair at the sight of her despondent friends…Bones stepped forward, and placed a hand on her shoulders.
"My Leige…?"
"Everyone!! Let's put our faith in SG2!!", he shouted to his subjects. "If she's got a plan she thinks will work, then I believe in her!!"
"…T-then I…believe in her, too!!", said Bradios, stepping forward.
"Me too!!", said LG.
"Count me in!!", MTS shouted.
"Right on, my sexy tiger", added xL, complete with an inappropriate wink.
One by one…everyone stepped up, voiced their support, and put their hands on SG2. It actually started to get quite uncomfortable…especially with xL going straight for her tail. But in any case, she appreciated the show of support…except…
"Actually, I don't really…have a plan…", she muttered to Bones…of course, everyone was standing right there and they all heard it too.
"""WHAT?!"""
"C-calm down!! I'll think of something!! I always do!!"
The IGNOites nodded in agreement…they couldn't argue with that. One way or another, SG2 always ended up thwarting the Krampus and saving Christmas…it was practically status quo. So, in the spirit of 'teamwork', they all closed their eyes and concentrated…each one lending SG2 a little bit of their own energy.
Fueled by the hopes and beliefs of her friends, SG2's body began to glow. She inhaled deeply…and then, all of a sudden, she combusted. It was the kind of reckless fighting technique only someone like SG2 could cook up - igniting her own body with her elemental flames and going for all-out offense!!
"Alright…here I go!!”
“AS IF I'D LET YOOOOOU!!”
SG2's body took off like a rocket, delivering a fearsome fiery fist directly to the Krampus' giant forehead. The sheer force of the blow knocked him off balance a bit…but the tiger was so small, and he was just so big. She continued to rain down flaming blows on the demon's face, but it was no use.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!"
Krampus roared, the vibrations from his mouth pushing the blazing tiger back like a powerful wind…yet her flame wasn't so easy to blow out!! She continued to whirr through the air, ricocheting off the Krampus' arms and massive chains as he did everything he could to block her. She had the edge when it came to speed, but little else…it was going to take more than a little firepower to knock this beast off his feet.
"…that's it!!"
As soon as the lightbulb went off in the tiger's head, she immediately changed her tactic…instead of attacking directly, she began to zig-zag around his body, buzzing like an obnoxious flaming insect.
"WHAT'S THE MATTER, ESJITUUU? AFRAID TO FIGHT ME NOW?!", he said tauntingly, his booming voice shaking the ground. "AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO DEFEAT ME AND SAAAAAAVE CHRIIIIISTMAAAAAAS?"
SG2 ignored him and continued to bounce around like a red-hot pinball. Under his arms, between his legs, around his tail, right past his ears…Krampus was getting increasingly agitated, flailing his arms about desperately to swat the glowing pest. But in his giant form, he sacrificed speed for strength – there was no way he'd catch her!!
"NNNNGGGH!!! STOP ZOOMING AROUND AND FIGHT ME!!"
At this point the Krampus was practically tripping over himself trying to catch the pesky tiger – which was exactly what SG2 had been counting on. One erratic move too many was all it took for the clumsy giant to lose his balance. He tried frantically to steady himself, but it was already too late – his massive body couldn't compete with gravity. He was going down, face-first.
"EVERYONE!! NOW!!!!!!"
Fortunately, the IGNOites had already caught on and cleared out of the path of his fall. All at once, they unleashed all the energy they had left in one grand finale of a team attack - falling ever forward, Krampus couldn't defend himself this time!!
Just like earlier in the workshop, the group unleashed their strongest moves simultaneously, unloading on the defenseless beast. A rain of elemental and arcane fury engulfed the surrounding area, shockwaves and tremors spreading out for miles as Krampus was hit with the full force of the most spectacular power move in IGNOLand history. And to deliver the finishing blow, SG2 wound up a tremendous ground pound…diving down, picking up speed, and driving into his fallen body with her fist.
"FLAMING TIGER PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!!!!!"
If SG2's ordinary power was a 6 to the souped-up Krampus' 1000, even 100 SG2's wouldn't be enough to win. But SG2's downward momentum increased that power times 4. The donated energy given by her friends doubled that - times 8. But with Krampus' own body overwhelmed by gravity and unable to block her incoming blow, that power increased times 160!! However, SG2's average power was still a 6 - x160 would only make for a maximum power of 960, which still fell below the Krampus' 1000!! In other words, not even the full force of SG2's Flaming Tiger Punch would have been enough to win the day.
However, SG2 and her friends had gone through so much that 'day' - a full 12, in actual fact, due to the sped-up time inside the globe. The bonds they forged over those twelve days taught them all the importance of working together to overcome their individual weaknesses, and made them understand that the true meaning of Christmas wasn't having a 'perfect' and ideal winter wonderland...but in the companionship they all shared. All of that knowledged flowed out in the form of Christmas Spirit, fueling SG2's powers even further...a full x12 for each day they spent inside that globe!!
These factors all combined to give SG2 a total power of 11520 - enough power to easily pound the Krampus' gigantic body deep into the crunchy snow!!
And what happened then? At the North Pole, they say, that the Krampus shrunk down 15 sizes that day!!
This time, for certain…the IGNOites had won. Krampus, back to his original size, lay crumpled in the dirt, smoke still billowing from the sizable crater caused by the impact. As the old saying goes – the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Bones lead the charge as the group descended into the Krampus-shaped hole in the ground – he definitely seemed beaten, but they weren't about to leave things up to chance. Not this time.
"Hey, demon.", said Bones, the coldness in his tone more frightful than the weather outside. "You already killed Santa. That means I get to kill you, right?"
With Santa gone, there was no longer anything holding Bones back from ridding his world of Krampus' evil influence once and for all. He readied his axe - it wasn't called the 'Bone Splitter' for nothing. Krampus could no longer defend himself. But before Bones could swing the mighty weapon down…a tiny sparkle zipped through the air and landed on the fallen monster's shoulder.
"Please, don't kill him…I beg of you…"
That voice was…incredibly familiar. But where was it coming from? The IGNOites drew closer to the incapacitated Krampus…and, looking very closely, there sat a tiny, winged woman. A very small, very familiar–
"Wait…Linda?!"
As it turned out, Linda was the Queen of the Pixies…she knew Krampus from their college days, and though they'd grown apart through the centuries, they had always carried a fondness for one another. A chance encounter at the hardware store had reunited the pair, and together they cooked up this entire plan…to seal away the Krampus' greatest threat to achieving his goal inside an enchanted snowglobe, leaving him free to carry out his plans in the real world. And now that all was said and done, she stood on his shoulder with her arms spread wide, acting as his shield…even though she knew they could have squashed her like a bug at her natural size, she was desperate to protect him.
"You've already won…please. You don't need to hurt him anymore."
Was she out of her tiny mind? Setting aside everything she had put them through…Krampus had taken out Santa Claus, destroyed the entire North Pole, and repeatedly tried to kill them all. If left alone, he'd surely do it all again!! They had every reason to want to hurt him more - there was no way the IGNOites were going to listen to this rubbish, right?
But Bones…sheathed his axe, turned his back on the pair in the crater, and began to walk away.
"Come on. We're going home."
The IGNOites were dumbstruck. First he'd spared Linda, and now this? Who was this guy and what had he done with Bones? Had the deception of romance with her in the endless repetitions caused him to go soft on this girl, even after everything she'd done to him? Or had his anger at Krampus just turned into pity after seeing him in such a sorry state? Bones offered no answer to satisfy his subjects. The Konungur himself said they were done here…what could they do but shrug their shoulders and follow behind him? Linda closed her eyes and smiled.
"Thank you…I knew I was drawn to you for a reason."
Bones didn't acknowledge her words, but she was certain they had reached his ears. And as their backs faded behind the curtain of falling snow, Linda remained with her Krampus, softly cradling a clawed finger…
"Hey…", Bones finally spoke, counting heads. "Where's that Azaran guy?"
"Actually…I haven't seen him for a while", said LG. "You don't think…"
When they thought about it, none of them had seen Azaran since before Krampus' attack destroyed the building. If he had gotten caught in that blast…
"Yo, losers. We're over here."
"What do you mean, 'we'…? –Ah!!!!"
As Azaran walked over to rejoin the group, everyone's jaws dropped. For walking alongside him…was…
"Ho ho ho!!"
"""""Santa!!!!!!!"""""
The IGNOites swarmed around the jolly old man, overjoyed to see he was still alive and well. Bones rubbed his head awkwardly…it was a good thing he ended up sparing Krampus, after all.
"Ol' Claus here caught me up to speed", Azaran explained. "Apparently Krampus used the magic bag to seal him in another dimension or something…I dunno, and I don't really care."
"What he didn't realize was that my bag is made of incredibly durable material woven from reindeer fur!!", said Santa. "If it was that easy to burn I'd be needing to have Mrs. Claus stitch me a new one every year!! Do you have any idea how often things catch fire in that workshop with a bunch of clumsy elves running around, dipping into the eggnog? Hoooo ho ho ho!!"
Because the bag had only been in the fire for a short time, it was burning very slowly. As the threads frayed apart, holes were opened up, giving Santa a window to escape - once Azaran had frozen the fireplace and recovered the bag, that is. The IGNOites were so preoccupied with their battle they hadn't even noticed. Had Krampus thought to simply tie the bag up tight and toss it into a storage closet, instead of throwing it to the flames, he may very well have succeeded in his goal of eliminating Santa once and for all.
"Well, in any case, you've all been very good girls and boys this year!!"
"Even me?!", xL asked enthusiastically.
"Yes, xL, even you."
xL struck a victory pose, and everybody laughed.
"Unfortunately…", Santa sighed, looking at the desolation where his workshop used to be. "While all my gifts are safe and sound in my storage dimension, it appears I don't have a sleigh or any reindeer left to deliver them. And with only a few hours to go before my flight…how will I ever make it to the little boys and girls all over IGNOLand?!"
…
…
…
…there was a long silence, as Santa waited expectantly for the IGNOites to volunteer to help deliver the presents. But the IGNOites had been through enough today – they didn't need to be influenced by a magic lullaby to want to just drop right where they stood and fall asleep in the snow.
"Well, good luck with your delivery, Santa…", Bones said with a yawn. "We'd better get moving if we want to be back in Knochenstadt before midnight. I may not have had time to fix up the party, but we've still got our Secret Santa gifts to open. C'mon."
Santa was left all alone in the wasteland that was once his workshop…his mouth hanging open in abject stupefaction. As far as the IGNOites were concerned, they'd saved enough Christmases this year to last the next several – all they wanted now was to head back to the castle and enjoy the rest of their night in peace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the gang returned to Castle Bones, they were actually relieved to see everything in shambles – flipped tables and broken plates exactly where Bones had left them the night before. There was no glamorous holiday meal, no fancy decorations, and the lopsided tree only had the most basic lights strung up upon it. This Christmas was far from 'perfect' – and that's exactly what made it perfect.
"Who wants to order a pizza?", asked SG2, holding up a phone. "Peach Out is closed, but Knochenstadt's own The Crusty Captain does deliveries."
Everyone raised their hands enthusiastically, and they called in an order of a dozen pizzas. In the meantime, all that was left was to unwrap their Secret Santa gifts to one another.
To SG2, from Karma – some high-quality, ultra-durable gloves made of enchanted werewolf hide. She'd been digging a lot of tunnels this year, and this way she could keep her hands nice and clean – no more chipped claws!!
To Karma, from SG2 – a gourmet cookbook entitled Salivating Sanguine Delights: 101 Recipes for Blood. Blood cupcakes and raw meat were good and all, but it's always nice to have a bit more variety around the dinner table.
To Reese, from Bones – a box of 100% Asian baby pears, because you can't go wrong with an old classic.
To Bones, from Reese – a Ҟ500,000 gift certificate for Black Books and exclusive access to the secret back room full of all those really sexy books of ancient and forbidden arcane spells. Sure, he was Konungur and probably could have demanded such access at any time, but Reese knew that Bones had the utmost respect for his trusted Undersecretary's business and always made an effort to pay for his purchases.
To Katie, from Angel – the complete DVD box set of The Fresh Goat of Bel-Air, her favorite IGNOLand sitcom.
To Angel, from Katie – a bag full of freshly-grown Horny Goat Weed straight from Goat Mountain. It was grown right in their personal garden – Von Goatly was quite the botanist.
To Bradios, from xL – lubricant. Attached was a note that read, 'You mentioned needing 'lubricant' to maintain your machine parts – so here is some lubricant, and my phone number. Call me and I'll help you maintain your parts any time ;)'. Bradios crumpled up the note and threw it right back in the Jizzanoid's grinning face.
To xL, from Bradios – a high-tech space suit with built-in butter dispenser, since he seemed to be spending a great deal of time up there these days.
To LG, from MTS – a derp deer of his very own.
To MTS, from LG – hair care products because guuurl, u need to get urs did rull bad.
To PWR, from Atlas – Atlas' phone number.
To Atlas, from PWR – PWR's phone number, and a very inappropriate photograph.
To Hamel, from Tim – the new iClone 6 and a note reading, 'sshhh, don't tell anyone'. Perhaps, after their recent ordeal, this was more likely to be used responsibly.
To Tim, from Hamel – a box of special aphrodisiac cupcaeks with a note that said, "for your next date night with LG~♥".
To Iris, from Azaran – a coupon for 50% off banjo lessons at the learning center downtown.
To Azaran, from Iris…
…actually, Azaran had once again ditched the others, having no desire to spend Christmas with people he hated…though he did drop off his gift for Iris to Bones, and tell him to wish her a Merry Christmas before saying he already had plans for the evening. His gift remained unopened beneath the tree.
The next morning, the children of IGNOLand awoke to find all their gifts under their own trees, as though nothing out of the ordinary had even happened that Christmas. Their faces lit up as they told stories of how it was not Santa Claus who delivered them, but a man in a penguin suit sliding from rooftop to rooftop along bridges of ice he shot from his fingertips.
THE END.