Ah, December 23rd - Christmas Eve-Eve. Perhaps the most magical day of the whole Christmas season. All month long people are hustling and bustling from store to store, trying to find that perfect gift for little Jimmy or Suzy. Everyone gets so wrapped up in hunting for the best bargains that they push and shove others, in such a rush that they ignore the poor begging for a few spare coins on the street. The true meaning of the holiday is quickly forgotten, buried under heavy loads of rampant commercialism. But by December 23rd, all but the laziest of shoppers have crossed every shiny new item off their lists, and can finally take a deep breath after finishing their stressful party preparations. The roast is in the fridge, all ready to go into the oven for Christmas dinner...the tree is perfectly trimmed, lovingly wrapped gifts nestled beneath its shining boughs. The table is set for the family to gather, to eat, drink and be merry. Christmas Day is almost here...it's finally time to relax.
“There's no time to relax!!”
Konungur Bones marched around his castle as if it were a battlefield, giving orders to soldiers in a life-or-death situation.
“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and nothing is finished!! How can nothing be finished?! I can't believe how useless you people are!!”
Bones was practically screaming at the top of his lungs at the members of his pantry, who hung their heads in silence as he rambled on and on. Here they had been doing their very best to help him prepare for tomorrow's party, and he was treating them like garbage who couldn't do anything right. As his most highly-trusted advisors, SG2 and Reese had felt a sense of obligation to help their mighty ruler prepare for the annual feast he always shared with his friends...they weren't ordered to assist him, but had they not offered he would have no doubt guilted them something fierce for the rest of the year. Even Karma, ruler of the Blood Country and its ambassador to the Empire - not to mention well-respected dignitary - had come to help in any way she could, even bringing along some zombie servants to aid in the grunt work. But she began to feel as though she shouldn't have bothered, because apparently none were able to meet Bones' high standards save for Bones himself.
“Who hung these ornaments on the tree?! Reese? They're all wrong!! Have you not seen the flag of Knochenstadt? The skull emblem needs to be hung at at the perfect angle and only displayed on the right side of the tree, anything else is a great insult to my nation!! And these cookies...what the Hell are these, SG2, are they made with dirt?! I thought you owned your own restaurant!! Do you serve dirt pizza and dirt soda there as well?”
He grabbed the plate full of cookies and threw them in the tiger's face. She simply stood there and said nothing, balling her fists but being careful not to meet his eyes. SG2 was not the type to stand idly by and take shit, but she knew that crossing the Konungur would not be taken lightly. She quite enjoyed her lofty position, after all, and did not fancy being thrown in a dungeon for treason.
“And Karma!! I thought you were a respectable leader of a nation, how can you allow your minions to do such a shitty job of setting the table?! They've got xL and PWR sitting next to each other, you know that's a recipe for disaster!!!”
Karma grit her teeth...her zombie hired servants were not minions, and she didn't appreciate the implication that her undead citizens were little better than slaves. But even she knew better than to argue against the Konungur with the mood he was in - it would only spark a bigger fight, if not outright war, and she didn't need that drama during this strenuous season. There was just no winning in a situation like this.
All three of them knew that this was an extremely stressful time of the year for Bones...not only did crime rates tend to rise around the holidays in IGNO City, but he was also contending with the mysterious masked vigilante known as 'Penguinman' and many of his resources had been focused on that project. He was short-handed around the castle as it was, and between his year-round duties of ruling the entire nation of IGNOLand and expanding his empire, he didn't have very much for leisure time at the moment. And still, he was going out of his way to throw the annual Christmas Eve party for his friends. Taking all of that into consideration, it was rather difficult to complain about his verbal abuse...but even so, it was rapidly draining any measure of holiday cheer the trio may have had. Rather than looking forward to tomorrow's grand festivities, all they could await was returning home and falling into their beds. It had been a very long day.
“Grrrwaaaaaaaargggh!!!”
The others leapt back with a start as Bones literally flipped a table. The table they'd all spent three hours getting just right (but still not good enough) now lay in two pieces on the castle floor, the rich red tablecloth spilling out from under the piles of broken dishes and cups like blood.
“Is it so much to ask for just a simple holiday for once?! Where I don't have to work my ass off trying to make things perfect, or worry about having to battle some idiotic green monster? I just want to have the perfect Christmas celebration, with festive lights and the smell of homemade baked goods, with jolly carols and sexy babes dressed in slutty Santa costumes!! You know, a traditional Christmas!!” Bones sighed deeply. “I just...want everything to be perfect...”
There was a long silence as the others weren't sure of what to say. But SG2 could take no more, and finally spoke.
“...it's getting late. I think we ought to go...um, there will still be time to fix things up around here tomorrow, before the guests arrive. Just...take it easy until then, okay...?”
She motioned towards the other two and began walking towards the door. Pausing for a moment, she spoke without turning back to face him.
“...I'm sorry that we're not perfect enough for you.”
Reese flipped the light switch as the trio stepped through the archway into the main hall, and quickly disappeared from sight. The loud thud of the heavy castle doors signified their departure. Bones stood alone in the dining hall amongst the broken furniture, dimly lit by the soft glow of the tree. Everything was silent.
With a final grunt and a kick to the table, his cape twirled with a flourish as he turned and made for his throne room. It was only 10 PM and there was still so much left to be done...but he had ceased to care. The friends he was doing all of this for had already abandoned him...no, maybe he couldn't blame them for that, with the way he was acting.
“I'll apologize to them in the morning...”
Total apathy painted his face as he undressed himself, tossing his clothing and cape in a heap on the floor. His crown was merely set on the nightstand, rather than put back in the Royal Crown Case where it belonged. He didn't even bother summoning the Pajama Leprechauns to disrobe or redress him. He simply slipped beneath the sheets as he was, covering himself over with the heavy blanket.
“Merry Christmas to me...”
His mind was awash with thoughts of the perfect holiday as he drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sound of birds chirping was gradually getting harder and harder to ignore, as was the stream of sunlight filtering in through the window. He must have overslept...why didn't the alarm go off? Why didn't the Morning Leprechaun sing the Dawn Shanty to welcome the day? No, why didn't any of his Leprechauns come to wake him, knowing there was still so much to be done?
His body still heavy with drowsiness, Bones sat up in bed...a bed he did not recognize. In fact, he didn't recognize anything about this room...this was definitely not a room in Castle Bones. But how could this be? He swore he could remember falling asleep in his own bed last night...and he was far too stressed yesterday to have spent the night with a ladyfriend. No hangover, either...if he had gone out and had enough drinks to where he'd wake up in an unfamiliar bed, you'd think he would still be feeling something. So what was the deal?
One foot hit the floor, then the other. Bones walked over to the window that was still obnoxiously leaking sunlight into his unadjusted eyes and pulled back the curtain...he could not believe what was before his eyes. The ground was awash with fluffy snow, with yet more still softly dancing in the sky. A cheerful holiday melody played in the distance, the sort one might hear from an old-fashioned music box. Young children he didn't recognize, all bundled up in their snowsuits, were laughing and playing. There was a cute little snowman with his stick arm raised as though waving directly at him...further in the distance was a grove of such perfect-looking evergreen trees that Bones could almost smell them from the window. There was a small cobblestone path leading to an open gate, with an unfamiliar man shoveling a walkway. Beyond the gate were a few quaint-looking buildings, just the kind you might see in the pages of a fairytale book.
This...was definitely not Knochenstadt. Hell, it didn't look like anywhere in IGNOLand. None that he had ever seen, at any rate. If anything, it reminded him more of his motherland, the Nordlands, than the Empire he ruled over with his iron fist fluffy hugs. It was almost as though he'd been transported into some magical Christmas village overnight...but there's no way something like that could have happened.
...Right?
Bones is lost in thought as he opens the door--
“Aah!!”
...crashing right into someone who was about to enter.
Bones moved to catch her before she fell down the stairs behind the door. It was a young girl - 20 years at most - dressed in a very modest, old-fashioned style. Almost like a maid, though far less frilly than the common imagination of one. Her skirts reached almost to the floor, and she wore a tidy bonnet on her head. Her lavender eyes were wide with surprise as Bones helped her recover, just barely saving the glass of milk and plate of cookies balancing on the tray she had been carrying.
“Oh, I'm so sorry!! I-I should have knocked, but I didn't know you were awake yet...!! I'm sorry, I'll leav--”
Bones stopped her as she began to turn and head back down the stairs, looking flustered.
“Hold a moment. Who are you?”, he asked, glancing up and down her body. “Did we hook up last night?”
The girl's face suddenly flushed beet-red, and she quickly turned to avoid his gaze.
“O-of course not!! M-my name is Linda, and this is my family's inn...we found you passed out in the snow after the storm. You would have frozen to death out there, so my father carried you here...you've been sleeping for three days. We were very worried...”
Bones' eyes snap open.
“Three days?!”, he shouts, startling the poor girl even more. “Then I missed Christmas?!”
“U-um, no...Christmas is today...”, she says, slightly confused.
Bones didn't understand. Last he knew, he was setting up for the Christmas Eve party, which should have been the next day...if three days had passed since then, then today would be the 27th...he was sure of it. And yet this girl said that Christmas was today...what did this mean? And where exactly was this inn? He had fallen asleep in Knochenstadt, had he not? There was no inn like this in his nation!! Bones' mind was racing...he tried to piece everything together, but he couldn't seem to focus. He pinched himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming...it hurt. Whatever was going on here, it was reality.
He decided to put the issue aside for now...regardless, if today was Christmas, then he had still missed the Christmas Eve party with his friends. And he was who-knows-how-far away from them, now...taking a deep breath and trying to regain his composure, he turned back to Linda.
“Is there a phone anywhere around here? I need to call my friends...”
“Oh, yes!! We have one downsta--ah!!”
Bones didn't wait for her to finish before gently pushing her aside and bolting down the stairs. He had no idea where he was, but he had to contact his friends somehow. He was so fixated on all that was going on he could barely hear Linda shouting from behind him.
“W-w-wait, sir!! Y-your clothes...!!”
Her face completely red, Linda took a deep breath and ran down the stairs after his naked back.