IGNO The Restaurant

SG2: If IGNOLand had a signature restaurant that was the #1 stop of all the tourists, what would it be like? What would we serve? Who would be the chefs, the waiters, all that jazz? What would our decor or 'theme' be? I think we'd be pretty upscale. You know, really fancy decor, all the staff dressed up classy, you can't get in without reservations, and the food is expensive as fuck. Dolphin Eggs would of course be a delicacy, with some splendid horny goat weed garnish. Jizz Toast would be a popular breakfast order, along with some of PWR's famous living panBUKAKKEs, and with a cold glass of Hypnotit milk perhaps. Hamel's cupcaeks would be the most popular item on the dessert menu. We used to serve pizza with a big freakin' onion on top, but then a certain customer with a voice like sandpaper came and stole the recipe from us, opened her own restaurant, and sued us...so we discontinued it. We also have kangaroo ribs slathered in Dingo Ate My Baby brand dry rub, and offer the delicious choices of foreskin popsicles and hood ice cream bars for dessert. What else?

xL: I think the soft drink of choice would be cheese soda. Also, perhaps the waiters could be Traitor's clones?

SG2: The only choice of non-alcoholic beverage would be cheese soda, of course. We need alcoholic drinks too, though, to appease Fuhrer Bones. We could use clones, but that's be lazy and boring...it'd be much more interesting if the IGNOites themselves were the waiters and staff. As long as we don't put LG or xL in the kitchen, things should go fine.

Bradios: I don't know, knowing the IGNOites, I'm pretty sure they'd PREFER either xL or LG in the kitchen. Speaking of which, I call being the head chef, cyborgs make excellent chefs, Treasure Planet is proof of it.

xL: Well, if you make me a waiter then you're going to expect me to ask our customers for very...specific tips.

SG2: I also have a very bad feeling the men's room is going to be full of glory holes in The IGNO Restaurant. Or maybe there are three bathrooms - men, women, and 'tips'.

Mr. Bones: i think we'd need to put a whole cow on the menu, or at least half the cow, i think karma would agree, also every dish must come with a side of bacon, even the vegetarian and vagetarian dishes, just because its fucking bacon, everybody loves bacon whether they know it yet or not

SG2: ...we could probably arrange to get some beef products on the menu. *looks over at Cowsy* Also I lol'd at vagetarian.

LG:

I should spank your ass and call you Susan for that comment! xL and I would make STD-tastic food!!!!

SG2: But even if they are sexy, tasty, and delicious, not everyone in IGNOLand wants to know what goes on behind the closed kitchen doors with you guys in there, or how you procure your 'ingredients'...

LG: No one really needs to know now do they

Mr. Bones: yes they do, its a restaurant, there are health codes and other mumbo jumbo to follow

Karma:

I heartily approve of this. You are the Fuhrer, are you not? You could rewrite the health codes if necessary... Now, I think we need to add a few blood items to the menu. Fenix and I are both vampires, after all, and while we are certainly the most powerful in IGNOland we are also most certainly not the only ones. I have a number of other minor vampires taking up residence in the Blood Country, after all, and there could be loners elsewhere. Think of the vampires! While we're at it, maybe some brain dishes for our undead cousins.  Undeads need love too!

Mr. Bones: while i can rewrite them to make them looser, i know how loose they are, from experience, most houses i've been in have cleaner kitchens than a restaurant whose kitchen has just been cleaned. i may enjoy bending the rules for ridiculous reasons, food is my limit. that being said, blood and brains can be on the menu, we shan't be forgetting our lycanthrope and undead bretheren.

SG2: ^^^^^ this. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If our chefs, and restaurant goers, wish to engage in sexy shenanigans, they can do it in the bathroom of the gas station next door. Let's keep everything out of the restaurant itself except for the videos of such sexy excursions, which may play on the big-screen TVs in a designated section of the restaurant. You know, like a sports bar, only instead of sports, we show porn. But it's optional - you don't have to sit in that section. It just happens to be the most popular. You probably need reservations. Though I am not against having some jarred or bottled jizz spread available upon customer request, as it would be appropriate to an IGNO-themed breakfast menu. But any and all bodily fluids (blood, semen, etc) should be stored in such containers, because hygiene. Also, we can add Brain Cookies to the dessert menu.

xL: If it doesn't have toast, then I am withdrawing my support for the restaurant.

Cowsy: Well you can't have my steaks.

Karma: But steaks are so tasty

xL: I like many meats, as you all know, but I've never fancied steaks. lol

SG2: I have an idea. What if we put one of the cloned cloning machines to good use, and cloned a bunch of Cowsy for a beef supply? I mean, clones don't have real feelings, anyways. And it would be for the good of supplying IGNOLand with delicious food, so surely Fuhrer Bones would allow it as an exception to the No Clones rule?

Khaos: Can I have an olive burger topped with littlegoten's special sauce?

Mr. Bones: cloning is only acceptable for the meat supply, i suspect that with karma and myself the non cloned meat supply is rather small for everyone else. i decree that a giant grass field be fenced off for organic cloned livestock pastures, we shall have the finest meats ever. all fresh all the time

Karma: An exceptionally wise decree, Fuhrer Bones. I agree, without cloned meat supplies, there would be precious little meat supply left to sate the people of IGNO.

SG2: But...but it was my idea...why does he get all the credit just for passing it as law? Now then, *waits on Khaos' table* Yes, you can, sir, though might I recommend the house specialty of xL's sauce instead? It's thicker and richer than LG's, and bottled fresh right in the men's room of the gas station next door. LG's, on the other hand, while 'hand-crafted' and imported from the Peeninsula, is much thinner and may spoil during the shipment process. Of course it is your preference, but it's my job as waiter to recommend these things to customers who think they know better than our staff- because here at Che (sp?) IGNO, we only want the finest dining experience for our patrons.

Mr. Bones: Chez* and i get credit because i took your idea, made it into a full on plan, then decreed it as law, its called getting shit done. i'll have a sammich, one containing every meat available from livestock, topped with dolphin eggs, lettuce, tomato, pickles, on a comically large looney toons-eque subroll then deep fried in a cornmeal batter please.

LG: I could make mine fresh in the restaurant as well! And Khaos wanted MY special sauce!

SG2: Well either way you won't be making it in the restaurant as per Bones' aforementioned health codes. Go claim an empty stall in the bathroom of the gas station next door. I have a feeling they've all got glory holes installed, anyways.

LG: Would there be specials of the week? And if so what would they be? I really would like to make a menu for the restaurant.

SG2: If we can come up with a fairly robust listing of menu items I'll gladly Photoshop dat shit up to look all fancy-like.