The IGNO Sitcom – IGNOpedia

Before-You-Read Info

Started By: LG
Started On: August 5, 2011
Last Post On: December 16, 2012
Total Pages: 6
Total Posts: 53
Total Views: 1032

This idea originated with an IRC conversation, so we decided to make a thread of it and draw more people in. Unsurprisingly, it quickly got out of hand.

LG: Okay guys the igno sitcom is gonna go by a very simple rule THIS IS TO BE TREATED AS A RP!!!!!!!!1!!!ONE!!! So SG2 and I got the idea for this a few nights ago. We are all in a sitcom and we all control the laugh track. ALSO IF THERE ISNT AN OBVIOUS OPENING JUST BURST INTO THE SITCOM! IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!!! So I'm gonna set up the plot.

SG2 is having a party at her house. I am the first on the scene.
SG2 IM HERE... AND GAY!!!!

SG2: Well if it isn't the Butt Brigade, you're just on time. -_- *laugh track*
LG, where have you been?! I called you an hour ago and told you I needed help rearranging this furniture before the guests arrive!!
*struggling with a heavy sofa*

LG: Thats because you're doing it wrong *jumps on the couch* See much better
*laugh track*
*door bell rings*
Who could that be?

Tim: *diverolls through the door* Hai! *drinks* *token alcoholic*

SG2: Oh man, the party hasn't even started yet and Traitor's hitting the bottle again...
*laugh track*

Bradios: *crashes in through the door*
S-S-Sorry about that, SG2! I-I didn't mean to do that! My flight pack's been on the fritz since Tuesday and here I thought I fixed it... I-I-I swear I'll pay you back!

SG2: *stares in shock and disbelief at the destroyed scene, which is expected to hold a party within the hour*
*audience gasps*
BRAD-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMMA GONNA GETCHU FOR THIS!!!!!!
*audience laughs as SG2 shouts her bradios-did-something-dumb-again catchphrase*

LG: Now SG2 you know why you shouldnt get mad? BECAUSE IM GAY!

xL: *Smoothly comes in through the front door*
Did somebody say they're gay?
*audience applauds* (like when a celebrity comes in )

LG: Oh my god it's my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend because IM GAY!
*laugh track*
But Traitor really you shouldnt hit the bottle anymore

Bradios: Oh hey, xL! Y-you still need me to come around next Tuesday to help repair your printer?

xL: *places hands on Bradios's shoulders*
Bradios, only you can fix my printer the way I want it. Others...they just don't understand. They don't understand the complications of fixing such a technical device. But you...you do.
*stares into Bradios's eyes*
*audience ooooooh*

LG: *I glare at both xl and brad then slap them both across the face*
Whores.... now lets party!!! By the way where is SG2????

SG2: *is curled up in the corner on the floor, sobbing*
M-my house...my beautiful house...my...party...
*laugh track*

Lemmy: Dude, don't cry. At least you're not GAY.
*laugh track*
But... am *I*?!?! Oh... MYSTERY.
*audience gasp*

Bradios: W-w-w-wait! L-l-l-l-LG! It's not that way! He's yours! W-w-w-w-why would I want to do that?!

xL: All he was going to do was fix my vulnerable and defenseless printer!
*laugh track*

Following this, LG and I had a discussion about sitcom stereotypes and tropes one night in IRC, and came up with an idea for a different fictional sitcom. Though it had nothing to do with IGNO, we thought it’d be funny to register new accounts and hijack the sitcom thread to put on our sitcom instead.

This sitcom – Black in the Closet – is about an older black woman who takes a gay teen under her wing. It is a satire on sitcoms like 2 Broke Girls that seem to push the envelope as far into blatant stereotypical ‘comedy’ as possible, and still manage to get laughs. However, even as a satirical parody of such shows, we can’t mince words – Black in the Closet itself is racist. Even if I say ‘it was 2011, things were different back then’, it’s only an excuse.

I find myself with two choices here: I could either censor the transcript by removing these posts, or I could post the thread in its entirety with an explanation and content warning. I’m choosing to do the latter. Many of the transcripts in this section are a time capsule, showing how much we’ve grown over the years, and jokes that come off poor in hindsight are peppered across many of them. I’ve largely left them alone as products of their time, but I feel that Black in the Closet takes it far enough that I had to at least make mention of it.

The posts will be enclosed in the spoiler tag below. You may skip them entirely if you wish.

Black in the Closet

Sammy: Sorry to interrupt this episode off the IGNO Sitcom but there seems to be some technical difficulties. So we’re going to show Black In The Closet.

*I walk into Laqueeshas’ kitchen*
HEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY GIRL FRIEND!!!! *I bend my wrist*

Laqueesha Day Caress Washington: Mmmmm-hhmm, welcome to the hizzle, girlfriend!!
*LaQueesha is in the kitchen cooking up some soul food*
What brings ya’ll over here today, honey?

Sammy: Well you see I’m having a little bit of boy trouble… Rudy hasn’t asked me to the prom yet and I’m very upset. This is the worst day like ever hun. What should I do?

Laqueesha: Mmmmm, girl, ya’ll just need to have a bite of my spicy chicken fritters and gumbo, it’ll put the sassy right back in yo tight-li’l assy!!
*audience laughs*

Sammy: You have the best cooking and because of me you’re one of the most fashionable people ever. Now when will that be done hon?

Laqueesha: Baby, this gon’ be ready in five minutes. LaQueesha just gotta get her secret spice on!!
*Laqueesha dances, audience laughs*
You just sit a spell, watch some Montel, and we gon’ get you feelin’ well as Hell!!

Sammy: Btw I went down town and this guy started hitting on me and I was like noooooooooo. He was wearing a trench coat, A TRENCH COAT!!!! I was like no way! So then I went home and put some Lady Gaga on.

Laqueesha: Mmmm girl, you do yo thang!! Music is the best way to heal the soul after a hard day. I don’t know what I’d be like if I didn’t go home and get my Usher on every night!! *sways head to imagined music*
*audience laughs*
For real though, hon, ya’ll gotta stay away from them bad parts down town!! Ya never know what kind of creeps might try to pick up yo li’l gay booty!!
*Laqueesha hugs Sammy, audience ‘awwww’s*

SG2: ...uh... It's great to see new members posting so...enthusiastically...but do you mindnot hijacking the topic with one-sided conversations? None of us even know who you are so we don't know how to participate with you.

No fake account is complete without having its participants play dumb about it to complete the illusion.

Sammy: I'm really sorry... ):

LG: Now back to the plot...

NO NO NO YOU CAN CALL GEEK SQUAD NOT BRAD!!! And SG2 we'll fix up your house... When Traitor is sober
*Laugh track*

Bradios: S-S-Screw the geek squad! I'm t-t-t-ten times better than those...j-j-jerks! B-b-b-but, y-y-yeah, I think somebody better g-g-get Traitor off the booze...

SG2: What are you, Bradios, the fucking cowardly lion?
*smacks him upside the head*
*laugh track*
Now stop talking like that before I bust a cap in your ass!! You've got a wall to fix before the guests arrive!!

Laqueesha: Sorry, I didn't know we weren't supposed to post together :((

Bradios: Heh. Sorry about that, I must've booted up improperly this morning. In any case, SEND IN THE ROBOTIC WORKMEN!
*orders an army of robots to come in and start repairing the doorway*
Give them half an hour SG2 and it'll be fixed in no time.

LG: So SG2 where are all the drinks Traitor keeps getting?

Lemmy: I don't know, but Traitor should totally share. I've never gotten drunk in a sitcom before... kinda wanna be boozed...

Hamel: Traitor's not going to share, he's an Aussie and they're all selfish bastards that keep things to themselves. Wouldn't surprise me if he was a hoarder too.

Bradios: Plus he's constantly stealing stuff! Who knows where he got that booze from!
*one of the robot workers malfunctions*
Oh come on! I just repaired you today!

Tim: *sits down on a half-rebuilt wall*
What wall? *looks blearily at everyone before falling backing out of it to land in a pile of empty bottles of spirits*
[laugh track]

SG2: This doesn't really feel like a sitcom anymore and I'm not sure where to take it from here as a result :/

Hamel: OH MAH GWAD!!! LIKE YOU GUYS!!! DID YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE??
yeah not sure where to take it either and since I wasn't really here (I don't think) from the beginning I don't know what it was

The thread died for more than a year, then in November 2012…

SG2: Potential revive? I mean, we'd need to start over, but I liked this thread's idea...

xL: It's a good thread idea. We just need a good plot!

MTS: LETS START AGAIN I WANNA PLAAAAAAAAY

SG2: So what kind of network is this show on? We need to get a feel for our target demographic, and how much crap we can get past the radar.

xL: I say it should be aired on TLC. Because IGNO is a very educational experience. It's also delicious, so maybe the Cooking Channel.

Bradios: What would be a good network that has both those elements then that we could host it on?

LG: *facepalm* TLC

MTS: HGTV?

SG2: *slaps MTS* No, it needs to be on PBS. We'll all teach people The Joy of IGNOing and style our hair into poofy afros.

Bradios: Take out the bit about styling our hair into poofy afros and then we've got a deal

xL: I say we all have our shows appear on MTV. That way, we can finally see some quality programming on that awful channel.

MTS: PBS KIDS OR I'M NOT PARtiCIPATING. AND IT MUST BE DIRECTLY AFTER DRAGONTALES.

SG2: No one recognized the Bob Ross reference? We could do PBS Kids. IGNO's totally good and clean with no vulgar humor whatsoever, right? Kids will totally love us.

LG: I like this Bob Ross more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKcMfQrqC7I

SG2: He does paint a beautiful picture.