Reese's Omegle Adventures

Back in the old days, it was cool and fun to troll Omegle – a site that tosses you and a random stranger into a chatroom together. We used to have a thread dedicated to sharing successful and amusing trolling attempts, but looking back on them, most of them…don’t really hold up in 2019. So while I decided that the whole thread wasn’t worth transcribing, I thought I’d highlight a few of Reese’s best – because he was the only one really good at it, anyway.
⚠ WARNING!! ⚠

The content of these chats is particularly crude and NSFW, even when compared to other content on this page. If you find that you are easily offended, It is strongly advised that you close this spoiler and ignore these logs entirely.

Reese's Omegle Adventures: Vol. 1

May 19, 2009

Stranger: i just wanna pussy 🙁
You: How do you pussy?
Stranger: wat
You: You said that you want to pussy, I want to know how one goes about pussying.
Stranger: im lookin’ for pretty pussy
You: Well I’ve got one right here between my legs.
You: just shaved it this morning.
Stranger: cool
Stranger: can u show it
You: sure, how do you want to see it?
Stranger: do u have a cam
You: no, but I have pictures
Stranger: i wanna see it
Stranger: hey c’mon
You: gimme a sec
You: here it is http://tinypic.com/r/2w1tun4/5
Stranger: its cool
Stranger: are u funny ?
You: No, the internet is serious business!
Stranger: so really i wanna u
Stranger: i wanna deep ur ass 🙂
You: That’s turning me on, tell me more. 😉
Stranger: im rubbing slowly ur pussy lipsticks
You: oh yeah, I wanna ur hand up my ass!
You: then I’ll climb on top of you and shit on ur chest.
Stranger: youre ride me
You: Oh, I’m ride you when I spread my shit all over ur cack
You: that way I can see ur face as I fist ur ass
Stranger: youre sucking my dick
You: Im sucking your dick so far down that I barf all over it.
Stranger: why you barfed ?
Stranger: you didnt swallow yet
You: then I’ll lick up the barf and kiss you with it in my mouth
Stranger: oh nicee
Stranger: if i’ll kiss you i can try
Stranger: because i love you !
You: then I’ll rub my PENIS on your PENIS
Stranger: noooooo omgg
Stranger: you killed me
Stranger: youre gay dude
You: I’ll penetrate your PENIS with mine, PENIS sex!
You: PENIS penetrating PENIS!
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: im not gay dude
You: I’m not a dude
Stranger: youre gay
Stranger: im sorry
You: but I have a VAGINA!
Stranger: idont like u still
Stranger: youre astonished me
You: I have tits and a VAGINA and a PENIS!
You: But you said you loved me!
Stranger: but no more
You: I’m going to kill myself now!
You have disconnected.

Reese's Omegle Adventures: Vol. 2

October 26, 2011

This time, just a few choice snippets from shorter or less successful chats.

Stranger: im like cam sex
You: then why are you in Omegle text and not Omegle video? PS. I rub my PENIS on your PENIS. NOW YOU CAUGHT MY GAY!
You: commencing operation anal plunder!
You: I put on my mining hat and head into your asshole with my pickaxe.
You: hello? This is turning me so on
You: Are you into spellunking?
Your conversational partner has disconnected

Stranger: your freaking retarted
You: At least I know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’
Stranger: YOU’RE better???
You: I am better, thanks for asking.
Stranger: welcome
You: so do you wanna my pussy?
Stranger: yea 😉
You: It’s dripping wet for your turgid member 😉
Stranger: wow 😛
You: I want you to deep my ass and spray your copious sperm in me
Stranger: OK bend down baby and lets go
You: I bend over exposing my milky thighs and perfect white globes of my ass
You: I reach back and spread myself open for you.
Stranger: HOT DAMN!!! 😉
Stranger: i throw u on the bed and and fuck u all NIGHT LONG!
You: as long as you used protection. You wouldn’t want to catch my leprosy
Stranger: nope 😉 jk ok
You: Now you have leprosy and your dick is going to fall off. I hope you learned your lesson about using protection.
You: I always use protection.
Stranger: 🙁
You: I pull a glock 22 out of my ass and double tap you in the head. Now you’re dead. Should have used a condom.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey, looking for msn mistress
You: Hey, I can be your mission mistress, Monkey Scrotum Necromancer mistress, Multiple Sclerosis Nation mistress? I’m confused, but whatever it is, I’m all yours stud.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi
Stranger: 🙂
You: hi
You: 9 f us
You: need a man to lick my bajingo
Stranger: fuck u
Stranger: thats gross
You: You said a bad word
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi m or f?
You: f, you?
Stranger: m
Stranger: age
You: 19
Stranger: 19
Stranger: from
You: UK
Stranger: sames
Stranger: where about
You: Cardif
Stranger: merthyr
Stranger: name
You: Molly
Stranger: david
Stranger: got msn or skype?
You: sorry, I don’t cyber with the Welsh
Stranger: yr welsh too
You: No, I’m not, I’m a bear!
Stranger: ohh thats what that smell was
You: A Scottish bear!
Stranger: oooo im so scared
You: Ye’ll ne’er take our lands nor our freedom!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I later made an image for that last one, on request.

Reese's Omegle Adventures: Vol. 3

October 26, 2011

In addition to regular random one-on-one chats, there was a feature to ‘get asked a question by a third party’. So one anonymous user would pose a topic and then watch as two other strangers were put in the room to discuss said topic. But what happens when the two strangers paired together are both trolls?

Question to discuss: Ladies, is it a turn off if you find out the guy you are dating is a virgin?

Stranger: hmm
Stranger: good question
You: Can’t say I’ve ever been a lady….
Stranger: i guess the only down put is that the bitch would think the bloke would become ‘obseesed’
Stranger: but the same can be said with women
You: Because I’m a fucking bear!
Stranger: if a bloke takes a womans virginity she might wanna marry that man
Stranger: What ?
Stranger: I’m a Moose
You: Let’s fuck and make Bear-Moose babies!
Stranger: ok!
Stranger: pull your hairy pants down
Stranger: let me see some skin
Stranger: your the female btw
You: I unzip my fursuit to reveal I’m a zebra
Stranger: SHIT
Stranger: Moose / zebra sex is illegal
Stranger: BASTARD
You: Our love is forbidden!
Stranger: no way
Stranger: im getting the fuck out
You: Just like Romooseo and Juzebriette
Stranger: waaaaa
You: now we must kill ourselves, for we are star crossed furries!
Stranger: ok
Stranger: lets do it
You: I drink all the poison and leave you to get arrested by the mounties
Stranger: cunt
Stranger: i headbutt a wall till my brain is in plain site
Stranger: i still dont die
Stranger: i tear my balls off
You: I am dead still
Stranger: still not dead
Stranger: put my hand down my throat i pass out
You: You wake up 2 days later in Guatanamo bay, your right to a Quaran is being denied. What do you do?
Stranger: take a gun, and kill all the religious mother fuckers there
Stranger: fuck religion fuck you
You: You are no Mooselim
Stranger: i eliminate religion from earth
Stranger: Mooselim lol
Stranger: clever
Stranger: that perverts spying on us
Stranger: lets kill him
You: We beat the question asker with our giant moose and zebra dicks
You: he can’t ignore our girth!
Stranger: the question asks bleed all over the floor begging for mercy
Stranger: moose man farts
You: Zebra breathes in the heavenly moose fart
Stranger: Zebra becomes super powered
Stranger: moose cowers in fear
You: I shoot rainbow lazers out of my dick decapitating the asker
Stranger: the asker falls apart sliced in pieces
Stranger: moose eats the body parts of the asker
Stranger: zebra has shit
You: zebra mounts moose from behind and impregnates the moose man
Stranger: moose man is confused ‘is this possible’
Stranger: 3 months pass moose man gives early birth
Stranger: baby is a LION !!!!
You: a pan-asian lion
Stranger: Lion eats moose mand and zebra
You: then rules the world with fluffy hugs…. I mean an iron fist
You: The End
Stranger: Lion has a heart attack
You: I would read this bedtime story to my children
Stranger: The Real End..
Stranger: Me too
Stranger: we made history
You: nice talking to you, mate
Stranger: same too you
Stranger: take care buddy
You: you too
You: Hail Britania!
You have disconnected.